A piece of the true cross
I went into Bartell’s (a drugstore chain; think Boots if you’re in the UK, but not as nice) yesterday, and was skimming along an unfamiliar aisle when I stopped, amazed. There in front of me dangling from those little rods that packages dangle from, were packages of Foot Detox Pads. Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads, to be exact. They’re real! Sense About Science didn’t just make them up!
There were before and after pictures on the box: clean white pad, then grubby brown pad. Yes but as Sense About Science points out, the pads contain vinegar and herbs and they make the feet sweat: the brown is from moisture and vinegar and herbs, it’s not a nice brown smear of toxicity.
There’s a box on the back with a disclaimer.
Note: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
So it’s just some kind of mysterious ritual then. Okay.
Underneath the box is a different kind of advice.
It is best to consult a qualified alternative medicine professional or holistic practitioner to determine your personal detoxification needs.
Oh yes? What does that mean? What is a qualified alternative medicine professional? What is a qualified holistic practitioner? What do alternative medicine professionals and holistic practitioners learn during the course of their qualification training that teaches them how to determine anyone’s detoxification needs? Since biologists and chemists are unable to find any evidence of such a thing as a detoxification need, one has to wonder exactly what professionals and practitioners are trained to look for, and with what tools. Do they do sciency-looking taps and listens and probes? Do they produce sciency-looking instruments that are actually just mock-ups of some kind? It would be very interesting to know.
Update: I forgot to say, they cost $19.95. For some worthless bits of vinegar-soaked gauze!
When I was a student I used to do framing. One girl asked me to frame an official-looking certificate from an alternative medicine course. I asked “How long did the course take you?” She said sheepishly “Only a weekend – but we worked REALLY HARD!”
I notice that “qualified alternative medicine professional” yields the acronym QuAMP (if I’m permitted a little licence with the ‘u’) – maybe there’s a little subconsciously inserted clue there.
Oops – accidently hit enter.
As I was saying – a bunch of quamps.
As for the ‘holistic practitioners’ – I don’t think they’re required or would want to be qualified – they’re the “I’m in touch with the truths of the universe that your puny reason can’t even begin to comprehend” part of the CAM package. How do you qualify that. It’s all part of the standard operating procedure for the alt medicine crowd. Start off sciency to impress the easily impressed but when challenged retreat into the impregnable fortress of cut-price mysticism.
I’ve always wondered though, who exactly is the audience for the sciency stuff. Is it the people who decry reductionism in favour of a holistic approach, or do they go straight to the crystals, incense and incantations and leave it to the people who still haven’t realised their GP isn’t a manifestation of the divine. Yet even the full bore mystical stuff (or ‘metaphysical’ – sorry Aristotle you’ve well and truly lost your trademark on that one) is so shot through with language borrowed from science that I doubt there’s any neat division. Ah, I see my mistake – looking for any sort of consistency just means I’m not sufficiently holistic.
“They’re real! Sense About Science didn’t just make them up!”
The very idea! Sense About Science are super-scrupulous about their facts. The combined might of the organisation happen to be standing right here brandishing cofffee and they are scandalised that anybody could have thought them capable of invention.
That’s just a complete con; I am amazed that they dare sell this, especially with a disclaimer saying “this doesn’t actually sell anything”.
On a slightly different note, I think it is very reassuring and inclusive of OB to post a story like this where people who have been arguing hard on other posts can all come together to condemn something which is completely nuts. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside :)
“I’ve always wondered though, who exactly is the audience for the sciency stuff. Is it the people who decry reductionism in favour of a holistic approach, or do they go straight to the crystals, incense and incantations and leave it to the people who still haven’t realised their GP isn’t a manifestation of the divine. Yet even the full bore mystical stuff (or ‘metaphysical’ – sorry Aristotle you’ve well and truly lost your trademark on that one) is so shot through with language borrowed from science that I doubt there’s any neat division.”
They want to decry the soullessness of modern medicine while still basking in the unchallengeable epistemic authority of science. Same reason there are certain branches of Christianity which are mad about biblical archaeology–they want to back up their myths with something, anything, resembling hard facts.
There’s also an element of what’s frequently called “cargo cult science”. They know what reputable research is supposed to look like, and to an observer with no experience of the real thing, their facsimile might even be convincing. It’s just that the alties usually go one step further and start bragging about how their coconut landing lights are better than the real thing.
I don’t kmow how it works in the US, but here in the UK we carefully regulate complementary practitioners.
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/complementary-therapists-to-be-regulated-by-witch-doctor-200901201522/
Here in the US, we have Senators whose states are big on producing dodgy herbs. Therefore they write laws which make them almost wholly unaccountable.