Having to pay back the sub-minimum-wage pay if they kick you out is just the start.

The Sea Org, Scientology’s “navy” – originally the crew on L. Ron Hubbard’s vessels when he was bobbing around avoiding the various governments that were asking him to do pesky things like not indoctrinate people for profit, pay taxes and not infilitrate government agencies – requires members to sign a contract that states:

“I, [name] DO HEREBY AGREE to the religious commitment of membership in the SEA ORGANIZATION, and, dedicate myself to achieving the goal shared by Sea Org members, which is to bring about spiritual freedom of all beings through the application of LRH’s technology.”

“Being of sound mind, I do fully realize and agree to abide by the purpose shared by Sea Org members which is to get ETHICS IN on this PLANET AND THE UNIVERSE and fully and without reservation, subscribe to Sea Organization discipline, mores and conditions and pledge to abide by them.”

“THEREFORE, I COMMIT MYSELF TO THE SEA ORGANIZATION FOR THE NEXT BILLION YEARS. (As per Flag Order 232).”

(Notice traditional mangling of punctuation characteristic of Scientology documents.)

Apparently, the billion year contract is there because when one is reborn in the next life, Sea Org members are supposed to return to the Sea Org – hence the slogan “We Come Back”.

Read more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_Org

http://xenu.net/ is pretty much the starting place for the truth about Scientology.

Take take take on their side, give give give on yours.

Sounds exactly like the usual deal one gets with hierarchical religious organizations – except that Scientologists are foolish enough to leave a paper trail. They also promise happiness in *this* life – another rookie move.

Of course, one must expect the newer outfits to make these sorts of stupid mistakes. It’s not like the Pope or the Patriarch or any other Divinely Appointed Grand Poobah is gonna sit down and straighten out the competition on how the game is played: They’ll just sit around in their fancy robes laughing their collective asses off while the n00bs fuck up.

Although the fictional character in question was not addressing a religious leader, I’d feel quite comfortable quoting this brilliant Joss Whedon line at any and all of them: “My days of not taking you seriously are rapidly coming to a middle.”