Guest post: The “you crossed the line” guy
Originally a comment by Kevin Kirkpatrick on Women interrupted.
I think it’s a direct parallel to the well-documented “racism without racists” cultural trend.
In that vein, I was every bit as disturbed by this guy:
At that point a man at the next table said to the guy, “You crossed the line”.
Just unpacking those 4 words, and the context and brazenness of their usage; it comes across as “Dude. Yes, of course sexual objectification of women is funny… but you gotta be subtle to be funny… you know, with clever entendres, sly winks, and nudges. You aren’t being funny because you’re being too overt.”
Putting myself in his head for a moment, I suspect that this guy actually believed himself to be standing up for the comedian, and for women in general.
I totally empathize with Samantha’s sentiment about the “boldly sexist asshole” needing to be fired along the lines of “Who would even feel safe working late with him around?” I think this is the boss whose overt sexism makes for slam-dunk discrimination lawsuits; who can’t help but make comments like “Oooh, looking good today, Janice! You should wear blouses like that more often”.
On the other hand, the “you crossed the line” guy is the boss who’s going to have that thought, but keep it to himself (taking pride in how not-a-sexist he is for doing so). And who, two weeks later, is going to put Jim, not Janice, in charge of the next big project. Not because he’s sexist, but because he’s pragmatic, and just wants to ensure everyone’s mind stays focused on the job, not on Janice’s chest.
Might he not just have been trying to call the guy out, and expressed himself awkwardly? Out of nervousness, maybe, since he was apparently the only one to speak up?
I get what you’re saying, Kevin, and people like that are legion. I just don’t want to assume this man–the only one to publically challenge another man’s blatant sexism is one of them. People don’t always express themselves well, especially under stress.
Men calling out men for sexism and misogyny should be encouraged, surely.
Yeh, that’s a point too. I’m ambivalent. I thought good for him when I read the post, but then thought Kevin dug deeper. Am am ambivalent.
I think Kevin’s insight is very good. Even if it’s not applicable to this particular man (it might be, and that’s just as likely as “might not be”), it’s exactly what goes on in too many peoples’ heads.
It could just be that he sees a certain level of heckling OK at stand up comedy but this was beyond what’s acceptable.
Since this is an actual person and he was the only one to confront the heckler, I don’t think it’s fair to assume the worst of him.