In order to fight an ongoing cast of ridiculous kitchen appliances

Jim Wright on the Doctor Who scandal.

So, the new Doctor is … <horrified gasp!> … a WOMAN

A woman.

Can you believe it?

The New Doctor can’t be … <horrified gasp> … a WOMAN!

No no no! The Doctor, a time traveling non human alien from a distance planet in a fictional universe who has regenerated, what? ten? eleven? times now from the dead into a different body in order to fight an ongoing cast of ridiculous kitchen appliances using really, really shitty special effects over, I dunno, 30 years or more, yeah THAT guy, has to be a white dude.

Has. To. Be. A. White. Dude.

Because that’s why you watch this dopey British science fiction show, right?

Sure, you watch it to see the same shit over and over — with British accents, which makes it totally cool despite the goofy story lines and discount special effects. Same shit, over and over. And over. And over. Same guy, just in different skin. Same villains. Same themes. Same episodes. Same shit. Exterminate! Exterminate!

It’s like Star Trek, same five characters, same five episodes, recycled over and over. And over. And over. It’s the plucky Captain, the robot/alien guy with no emotions, the comic relief guy with the funny accent, the ranty emotional guy, and The Knockers. Time travel saves the day. Logic saves the day. Emotion saves the day. The computer goes berserk! And the Ongoing Alien Menace! Repackaged, recycled, over and over. Oh look, it’s the time loop episode again, why doesn’t anybody believe Ranty Emotion Guy!

First the women came for the Ghost Busters, then Star Wars, then the Marvel Universe, now the Doctor is a chick.

Goddamn. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? WE’RE IN SOME REAL PRETTY SHIT NOW, AREN’T WE! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

Because, yeah, wouldn’t want to TRY ANYTHING NEW IN OUR OUTER SPACE TIME TRAVELING ADVENTURE. Nope nope nope. Need a white dude. Just an old white British dude. Because that’s why we go time traveling in outer space, right? To see the same stuff we have RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW…

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