They won’t let him drive

Reuters talked to Donnie and found out that he wants his old life back. We want that for you, Donnie! Do feel free to resign.

He misses driving, feels as if he is in a cocoon, and is surprised how hard his new job is.

President Donald Trump on Thursday reflected on his first 100 days in office with a wistful look at his life before the White House.

“I loved my previous life. I had so many things going,” Trump told Reuters in an interview. “This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”

He thought it would be easier. He thought it would be easier. Oh my god.

More than five months after his victory and two days shy of the 100-day mark of his presidency, the election is still on Trump’s mind. Midway through a discussion about Chinese President Xi Jinping, the president paused to hand out copies of what he said were the latest figures from the 2016 electoral map.

“Here, you can take that, that’s the final map of the numbers,” the Republican president said from his desk in the Oval Office, handing out maps of the United States with areas he won marked in red. “It’s pretty good, right? The red is obviously us.”

He had copies for each of the three Reuters reporters in the room.

He won. He was voted prom king. He won he won he won. Little Donnie from Queens who got no respect – he won. Sadly, that meant he had to work much harder than he wanted to, but still – he won, he won, he won. Make enough copies for every single reporter.

Trump, who said he was accustomed to not having privacy in his “old life,” expressed surprise at how little he had now. And he made clear he was still getting used to having 24-hour Secret Service protection and its accompanying constraints.

“You’re really into your own little cocoon, because you have such massive protection that you really can’t go anywhere,” he said.

Yes, it sounds absolutely horrible. But surely he was aware of that before he decided to campaign for the job?

Ah well, he has his final map of the numbers to cheer him up.

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