First, Chuck, what is “climate change”?

He doesn’t even know what climate change is.

He doesn’t even know that he doesn’t know what climate change is.

He doesn’t know what’s being talked about when he engages in discussions with other people.

He’s lost. He’s in the middle of the ocean on a plastic raft.

He doesn’t even know what climate change is.

Prince Charles spent 75 minutes longer than scheduled trying to convince Donald Trump of the dangers of global heating, but the president still insisted the US was “clean” and blamed other nations for the crisis.

Trump told ITV’s Good Morning Britain on Wednesday he had been due to meet the Prince of Wales for 15 minutes during his state visit, but the discussion went on for 90 minutes – during which the prince did “most of the talking”.

For once I’m on Priss Choss’s side. He’s very like Trump in thinking he knows far more than he does, and thinking he’s far more intelligent than he is, and thinking his money and family background make him personally significant…but at the same time, compared to Trump he is informed and thoughtful, and if he managed to do more talking than Trump then hooray for him.

Not that it did any good. Trump didn’t understand a word he said.

Trump said: “He is really into climate change and I think that’s great. What he really wants and what he really feels warmly about is the future. He wants to make sure future generations have climate that is good climate, as opposed to a disaster, and I agree.”

He thinks it’s about…like…having pleasant summer days for sailing and brisk winter days for skiing.

But Trump said he pushed back at the suggestion the US should do more.

He said: “I did say, ‘Well, the United States right now has among the cleanest climates there are based on all statistics.’ And it’s even getting better because I agree with that we want the best water, the cleanest water. It’s crystal clean, has to be crystal clean clear.”

Trump added: “China, India, Russia, many other nations, they have not very good air, not very good water, and the sense of pollution. If you go to certain cities … you can’t even breathe, and now that air is going up … They don’t do the responsibility.”

He’s lost. He’s bumbling around the Amazon basin with a candle from a birthday cake and a packet of saltines. He’s stuck in 1970 where it’s all about the local air quality – global warming has apparently not yet made it onto his radar.

And this is the guy who took the US out of the Paris Accord. Interesting to discover he did it without having the faintest idea what it is!

Asked by Piers Morgan if he accepted the science on climate change, Trump said: “I believe there’s a change in weather, and I think it changes both ways. Don’t forget, it used to be called global warming, that wasn’t working, then it was called climate change. Now it’s actually called extreme weather, because with extreme weather you can’t miss.”

Which is to say, “Booble abble bibble urble farble ooble ooble ooble.”

Morgan did not ask Trump about his decision to withdraw the US from the Paris climate agreement. And Trump swerved a question about whether the Prince of Wales had persuaded him to move his stance on the climate crisis. “I’ll tell you what moved me is his passion for future generations,” Trump said.

“Orble porble forble erp erp erp fip whop oop ipp ferp.”

It’s like finding yourself in a car racing down a freeway at 100 mph driven by a baby.

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