If a woman has her headphones in, the answer is never

Aug 30th, 2016 6:18 pm | By

Martha Mills at the Guardian has thoughts on Dan Bacon’s how to intrude on women advice:

Here’s Dan’s interpretation of how the conversation goes once a man has used his infallible five-point Jedi mind trick to bludgeon a woman from her blissful state of aural security:

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, she’s a cutie, I have to say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Woman: [Usually flattered by the compliment and impressed by your confidence to approach her like that] Jessica.

You: [Add in some humor] Cool…nice to meet you Jessica. I don’t normally talk to girls with headphones, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me.

Woman: [Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the interaction].

You: [Let her know that you have something to do/somewhere to go, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes] Anyway, so I’m just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. I’m on my way to a store up the street. How’s your day going so far?

In his scenario, Jessica has just been waiting her whole life to be blessed with the attention of a complete stranger who mistakes hunched shoulders, darting eyes and rictus for laughing and smiling.

Here’s how it plays out in real life. Trust me, I’ve been it, seen it and spoken to the survivors:

Him: I see you don’t want to be talked to but I find you physically attractive and I’m making that your problem.

Her: Please leave me alone.

Him: FUCK YOU, YOU STUCK UP BITCH, I DIDN’T FANCY YOU ANYWAY.

Then she explains how threatening and insulting all this really is:

I appreciate the world of mating is hard but please, for the love of humanity, learn this: just because you want, doesn’t mean you can have. Women are not commodities to be hunted and won, and if you have no luck finding someone to bump pink bits with, that’s your problem, not our fault for not adhering to the playbook rules. It’s a playbook we never signed up for and it’s only a game if both teams actually know they’re playing.

Nowhere in his advice does Dan tell his frustrated man-babies how to handle rejection with grace, because the advice is simply not to accept it. This attitude is why I and countless other women have been been chased down the street, followed home, physically restrained, spat at, verbally abused and generally made to feel like garbage, merely for trying to exist.

So when, I hear the whiny pissbabies ask, when am I allowed to approach hot single women? Simple.

If a woman has her headphones in, the answer is never – and before you bleat on about “ooh, what if there’s a fire?”, she’ll smell it, even through all your bullshit. If you’re in a bar or party, her flirtatious smile may be the come-on you’re looking for, but be prepared to accept that you read it wrong, politely wish her a good evening and toddle back off out of her life without 20 minutes of awkward pawing, insisting she let you buy her a rohypnoltini. But how about this; take up a hobby, ask your friends if they know of someone looking to date or (brace yourself for a whopper of a revelation) if you’re looking for a horde of single, eligible women all looking for friendship-maybe-more in one convenient place, try a dating site.

Here’s a tip from me: don’t assume you have a “sense of humor” in the sense of being amusing to other people. It’s not something you can just assume and it doesn’t included along with the testicles.



Approaching a woman in a confident, easy going way

Aug 30th, 2016 5:57 pm | By

Today’s trending jackass is an Australian “dating expert” called Dan Bacon, who wrote an expertise-filled piece on how to make some bitch take her fucking headphones off and let you try to get in her pants. It’s full of quite startling delusion (or dishonesty). Like:

Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next.

Does he become nervous and awkward? Does he walk away in shame, or does he remain calm and continue talking to her in a confident, easy-going manner?

If a guy gives up at the first sign of resistance, a woman like her will lose interest because he lacks the type of confidence that she looks for in a guy.

He’s very keen on confidence as the way to get a woman to stop doing what she’s doing and pay attention to him instead. Beware of these common mistakes:

3. Not leading the conversation

If a shy guy stands in front a woman and is lost for words, she’s most likely going to just put her headphones back in or say, “Nice to meet you. Bye” as she walks away to get away from him.

You have approached her, so you can’t expect her to be the one making all the conversation. You’ve got to lead the way.

Leading a conversation with a woman is not about bossing her around, being arrogant or being too assertive as you talk to her. Instead, you simply need to remain confident and keep the conversation going in a relaxed, easy going manner.

4. Sticking to polite or reserved conversation

If a guy gets a woman to take off her headphones to talk to him and then only engages her in a polite, reserved conversation, she’s probably not going to be very enthusiastic about talking to him for long.

So, make sure that you have the confidence to talk to her and be real. Just let your natural personality and sense of humor come through as you talk to her in a confident, easy going manner, rather than trying to be too polite or reserved.

I trust you’re getting the hang of it? Don’t be polite, be confident and easy going and let your sense of humor (which it goes without saying is killer) come through. Women love that. A little confident, easy going explanation goes a long way, too. Ask her what she does, and when she tells you, explain it to her.

Also you have to understand about who does what. It’s hard-wired, you know. That’s science.

As you may have noticed, women usually don’t go around actively approaching men in public places or even in bars or clubs.

Women know that is the man’s role to be confident enough to walk over and talk to a woman he finds attractive, so they have a chance to meet. If he doesn’t do that, a woman will rarely walk over and talk to him first.

So, don’t ever think that you’re doing a bad thing by approaching and talking to a woman in a confident, easy going way.

Most single women are open to being approached by a confident guy, so that they can have a chance to meet a potential new lover or boyfriend.

Right. There’s no chance at all that the reason they’re not actively approaching you is that they don’t want to approach you – no no, it’s that their mating-wiring tells them to stand very still and wait for you to approach in a confident, easy going way.

And in conclusion –

The key to talking to a woman who is wearing headphones (or who has her face buried into her smartphone and checking Facebook) is to be confident, relaxed and easy going as you talk to her.

Of course, not all women who wear headphones are open to being approached or hoping to be approached. However, you can only find that out by starting a conversation and seeing what happens.

Who knows, she might just be your perfect girl, so go ahead and talk to her.

Yes! Never hesitate to interrupt and bother a woman. Women are public property, after all, so if you see one you want to talk to fuck, interrupt and bother her! It’s your right!



The hate crime ambassador

Aug 30th, 2016 4:05 pm | By

The BBC reports:

A comment in which a transgender Tory councillor was called “he” by a Labour rival is being treated as a hate incident by police.

Zoe Kirk-Robinson, 35, said Guy Harkin, 69, referred to her twice as a man in a debate at a Bolton Council meeting.

The hate crime ambassador, who transitioned 10 years ago, said the comments on 24 August “hurt a lot” and she reported them to police.

Mr Harkin has apologised. Police said “hate incidents are not tolerated”.

Greater Manchester Police (GMP) said it will resolve the incident, which was reported on 25 August, using restorative justice.

Mr Harkin said he “inadvertently referred to her as a he” during a debate about pensions at the meeting where more than 60 councillors, press, council officers and the public attended.

Hate incidents are not tolerated. Really? You could have fooled me. There’s certainly a hell of a lot of tolerance for men calling women cunts and twats and bitches.

Ms Kirk-Robinson, who has stood as Conservative councillor for a year, said: “All I’m looking for is an apology and a chance to say why this is inappropriate.

“To have someone attack me, for being me, it’s deeply upsetting.”

Interesting…Here’s Kirk-Robinson on Twitter a couple of years ago:

Note that the BBC referred to Kirk-Robinson as “the hate crime ambassador.” She seems a tad misogynist for a hate crime ambassador.



The mix of condescension and entitlement is stunning

Aug 30th, 2016 12:31 pm | By

Via Facebook, a takedown of David Brooks’s patronizing advice to Clinton, by someone who wants to remain anonymous.

Brooks:

If you interpret your life as a battlefield, then you will want to maintain control at all times. You will hoard access. You will refuse to have press conferences. You will close yourself off to those who can help.

If you treat the world as a friendly and hopeful place, as a web of relationships, you’ll look for the good news in people and not the bad. You’ll be willing to relinquish control, and in surrender you’ll actually gain more strength as people trust in your candor and come alongside.

Response by anonymous genius:

Her political life IS a battlefield, you oblivious, sanctimonious, selectively amnesiac, self-pleasuring shitgoblin. She’s running against Donald Trump and his brigade of white nationalists while Republicans are already laying plans to impeach her, the press salivates for the one Clinton scoop that will bring her down (there will ALWAYS be more probing, more invading, more accusing), and people with zero idea of her record or accomplishments shout “Lock her up,” “Trump the bitch,” “Hang her,” and “Kill her.”

Yes, it’s the perfect time to prioritize “grace,” relinquish control and surrender to the goodwill of the populace, who only want the best for her. Why so serious, Hillary? SMILE!

There’s a subtle but raging cruelty embedded in opinions like these. They’re not only ignorant of the real experiences of ambitious, revolutionary women — they’re ignorant of their own ignorance, unaware of their hypocrisy in recommending empathy while practicing none. In Brooks’ formulation, her secrecy is the result of being a paranoid, distrustful shrew who just needs to relax, let down her hair, leave her door unlocked and trust that everyone wishes her well, rather than a sensible, seasoned professional who’s been a target for over a third of her life and knows her enemies better than they know themselves. The mix of condescension (“Let me help you, honey”) and entitlement (“We’ve shit all over you and demonized you for 25 years, why won’t you get vulnerable with us? “) is stunning. It’s an argument I’ve seen a thousand times — the world would be nicer to women if only women were nicer back.

And there’s an implication here that’s even more insidious: the instinct to survive and thrive on one’s own terms is less important than the obligation to please. It’s more important to make David Brooks feel good about you than it is to campaign effectively and win. It’s more important to make him feel good than for YOU to feel good.

Smile!

Actually, if you’re a man reading this, do not ever make a clown of yourself by instructing women that the world is safer, fuzzier, and more welcoming than they think it is, that their fears are silly or that they have an overactive imagination. And I say this as a woman who is brave as hell, tough as hell, has done considerable work to overcome her fears, and is, despite everything, an optimist. If you make light of women’s anxieties about their place in the world, if you talk more on this topic than you listen, you’re advertising your ignorance. If you feel yourself about to do it, put something in your mouth.

How pleasant for David Brooks that his positive, sunny approach to life yields positive results. Maybe he should retire from writing editorials and try running for office.

I’ll just repeat one favorite bit for emphasis:

In Brooks’ formulation, her secrecy is the result of being a paranoid, distrustful shrew who just needs to relax, let down her hair, leave her door unlocked and trust that everyone wishes her well, rather than a sensible, seasoned professional who’s been a target for over a third of her life and knows her enemies better than they know themselves. The mix of condescension (“Let me help you, honey”) and entitlement (“We’ve shit all over you and demonized you for 25 years, why won’t you get vulnerable with us? “) is stunning. It’s an argument I’ve seen a thousand times — the world would be nicer to women if only women were nicer back.

Nailed it.



Meet the Flag Code

Aug 30th, 2016 12:22 pm | By

The BBC has a useful backgrounder on the subject of US “flag etiquette” which we’ve been puzzling over lately. It’s good to get it from the Beeb, as a neutral party.

The Flag Code covers all aspects of etiquette in relation to the Stars and Stripes, including how to behave when the anthem is played. The code is never enforced, however, and there is no punishment for breaching it.

The link is to a government site. What the government is doing issuing etiquette codes that aren’t enforced, I don’t really understand.

What to do if someone picks the Flag Song on the jukebox?

The code states that persons present are expected to stand and face the flag, if there is one. Civilians should stand to attention with right hand over heart, while military personnel in uniform and veterans should salute throughout. A recent amendment to the code said that military personnel out of uniform could also salute.

So it’s actually codified somewhere that we are supposed to put our hands on our chests when we hear that tune. I did not know that. I say it’s none of their business.

How long has the Flag Code been around?

Experts say that US flag etiquette is important because [it] was created out of respect for the country’s historical heritage.

But the code was first drawn up only in 1923 under the auspices of the American Legion, and only became law when the US was at war, in 1942.

The American Legion isn’t the boss of us.

Now the law, in 1942…I sort of get that, up to a point. In 1942 they didn’t know that Hitler would fail. They thought it was a lot more likely than it was before Germany invaded Russia and before Pearl Harbor, but they didn’t know. That was scary. I sort of get the urge to do everything they could think of to make sure Hitler failed, including motivational inspirational patriotic flapdoodle. But the fact remains that it’s none of their business. And it’s not 1942 now.



A licence to bully and harass

Aug 30th, 2016 11:40 am | By

The BBC introduces a story on online abuse directed at a BBC reporter:

While covering a Donald Trump rally, BBC reporter Rajini Vaidyanathan received a barrage of online abuse, some of it racist. Here she explains what happened, and how it sheds light on an ugly side to the US presidential race.

The abuse was sexist as well as racist,  yet for some reason the BBC editor who wrote that first paragraph didn’t mention the sexism. Example # 40 billion-whatever that sexism flies under the radar for a lot of people.

As is part of my job, I was live tweeting from the event, over the course of the evening. I’d spoken to several supporters to find out why they loved their candidate, and was sharing a flavour of the rally through a range of pictures.

Note what she said there – tweeting is part of her job.

As I sat in the press pen, I took some photos of the arena. The seats were filling up, but some sections by me were empty. I took four pictures and posted them on Twitter. I thought nothing of it. I do this sort of live coverage of events all the time.

It’s part of the job.

Then her notifications exploded.

A local talk show host had shared my tweet, insinuating I’d doctored the images.

I’d done nothing of the sort, but that didn’t stop the torrent of abuse which followed.

“This is obviously an attempt to undermine Trump.”

“Go back to sleep filthy journalist,” read one of the messages.

I was accused of being a Hillary Clinton propagandist, of posting from my “ugly ass” and of being a “servant” of the mainstream media.

One person even suggested I should be arrested and tried for treason.

I carried on with my job, sharing photos and video of the speakers and supporters.

But the talk show host, and others continued to bait me online, accusing me of lying, which of course I was not.

Earlier in the night, my colleague had posted a video, also pointing out that 40 minutes from the start of the rally, the arena was “far from full”, yet he was not subjected to the same vitriol.

“Propaganda whore.” “Bitch.” The insults kept flying.

It felt like a virtual mob was hur[t]ling toward me. The language was rude, some of it was sexist, and in one case racist.

One person told her to go back to India and called her degenerate; that account was suspended.

Trump worked up the crowd by talking smack about journalists.

This sentiment has grown as the campaign has progressed. Supporters I’ve met in recent weeks have told me they are unhappy with a narrative they believe paints their candidate in an unfairly negative light.

For some, it’s become a licence to bully and harass. At a recent rally, writer Jared Yates Sexton tweeted how Trump supporters there had talked about beating up reporters.

“Guy just said he thought Trump would lock up dishonest press after election,” he wrote “‘You got to do something’ his friend says.”

Earlier this year Julia Ioffe, a reporter with GQ magazine who wrote an article about Melania Trump, received online abuse, including death threats.

The tone of the abuse was anti-Semitic. Some of the tweets directed at her included superimposed images of her at a concentration camp, with the title “CampTrump”.

At the time, Mr Trump was asked on CNN to condemn the threats. He refused to, saying he hadn’t read the piece.

Of course he refused to condemn threats. He makes them himself. He made his piles of money partly by threatening people who wanted him to pay what he owed them.

At a rally in December, Mr Trump described NBC’s Katy Tur as a “third-rate journalist.” He didn’t hold back, as over a number of days, he called her a liar, and said her tweets were “disgraceful”.

The response from his supporters online was more alarming for Tur, who at one point needed Secret Service protection.

Some of the tweets she received incited violence: “MAYBE A FEW JOURNALISTS DO NEED TO BE WHACKED,” said one.

“MAYBE THEN THEYD STOP BEI[N]G BIASED HACKS. KILL EM ALL STARTING W/ KATY TUR,” were the words in another.

Fascism on the move.



Russia may try

Aug 30th, 2016 10:57 am | By

Robert Reich:

Not only is Trump raising the specter of electoral fraud by Democrats, but today Senate minority leader Harry Reid said Russia may try to manipulate voting results in favor of Trump. In calling for an FBI investigation, Reid noted (1) the threat of Russian interference “is more extensive than is widely known and may include the intent to falsify official election results;” (2) Vladimir Putin’s “goal is tampering with this election;” and (3) Trump’s former and current advisers are closely connected to the Russian leadership.

“Trump and his people keep saying the election is rigged,” said Reid. “Why is he saying that? Because people are telling him the election can be messed with.” If Russia concentrates on “less than six” swing states, it could alter results and undermine confidence in the electoral system.

That’s just fucking terrifying.



There are no short cuts

Aug 29th, 2016 5:27 pm | By

Jim Wright had a lot of people asking him, as a veteran, what he thinks of Colin Kaepernick’s refusal to stand for the national anthem at a football game. So he told them. As a veteran.

Respect has to be earned.

Respect cannot be demanded at the muzzle of a gun or by beating it into somebody or by shaming them into it. Can not. You might get what you think is respect, but it’s not. It’s only the appearance of respect. It’s fear, it’s groveling, it’s not respect. Far, far too many people both in and out of the military, people who should emphatically know better, do not understand this simple fact: there is an enormous difference between fear and respect.

Respect has to be earned.

Respect. Has. To. Be. Earned.

Respect has to be earned every day, by every word, by every action.

It takes a lifetime of words and deeds to earn respect.

It takes only one careless word, one thoughtless action, to lose it.

You have to be worthy of respect. You have to live up to, or at least do your best to live up to, those high ideals — the ones America supposedly embodies, that shining city on the hill, that exceptional nation we talk about, yes, that one. To earn respect you have to be fair. You have to have courage. You must embrace reason. You have to know when to hold the line and when to compromise. You have to take responsibility and hold yourself accountable. You have to keep your word. You have to give respect, true respect, to get it back.

There are no short cuts. None.

Now, any veteran worth the label should know that. If they don’t, then likely they weren’t much of a soldier to begin with and you can tell them I said so.

IF Kaepernick doesn’t feel his country respects him enough for him to respect it in return, well, then you can’t MAKE him respect it.

You can perhaps make him put on a show of it, but that’s not the same thing.

t’s only the illusion of respect.

You might force this man into the illusion of respect. You might. Would you be satisfied then? Would that make you happy? Would that make you respect your nation, the one which forced a man into the illusion of respect, a nation of little clockwork patriots all pretending satisfaction and respect? Is that what you want? If THAT’s what matters to you, the illusion of respect, then you’re not talking about freedom or liberty. You’re not talking about the United States of America. Instead you’re talking about every dictatorship from the Nazis to North Korea where people are lined up and MADE to salute with the muzzle of a gun pressed to the back of their necks.

And why would we respect that?



Real men battling snakes

Aug 29th, 2016 3:57 pm | By

Jim Hightower was on the Dr Pepper FOR MEN story in 2011.

It seems that the honchos over at the Dr Pepper Snapple Group have done intensive market analysis and found that men think of diet drinks as…well, girly. So they flinch at buying them.

So of course the geniuses in charge of the vats of flavor figured out a way to make a new Dr Pepper with only 10 calories but still the same amount of manliness. It’s a miracle how they did it, but we will never know more, because it’s a secret secret secret.

The pepped-up Dr Pepper is being launched with a massive, testosterone-infused ad campaign that bluntly proclaims: “It’s not for women.”

TV ads will run on all networks during college football games, and the promos will reek of machismo, showing men — real men — in a jungle battling snakes. Also, instead of the gentle bubbles on Dr Pepper’s regular diet can, the cans of Ten are gunmetal grey — with silver bullets. Pow!

In case ladies still don’t get the point that this is a manly man’s drink, they might go to Dr Pepper Ten’s Facebook page. There, they’ll find a virtual shooting gallery that invites members of the male species to fire virtual bullets at such feminine symbols as lipstick and high heels.

Because it’s never a bad idea to encourage men to get violent toward women and their symbols. Aw hell no!

So, I take it back about the irony. They did mean it.



Just 10 manly calories

Aug 29th, 2016 3:33 pm | By

A friend told me it’s not just Yorkies – it’s Dr Pepper too.

Image result

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Clearly this is not meant literally; clearly it’s ironic in some sense…and yet. Again: would they do the same thing “for white people” instead of “for men”? Would they do an ad saying Dr Pepper is not for black people?

I don’t think so, and if I’m right, what does that say? Why is it amusing to “pretend” to insult women if it’s not amusing to “pretend” to insult other not-seen-as-equal kinds of people?



Cut the chains

Aug 29th, 2016 2:59 pm | By

Via #TogetherToEndMaleGuardianship on Twitter –



The slaveowners’ anthem

Aug 29th, 2016 12:54 pm | By

So that national anthem thing – first Gabrielle Douglas, now Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49ers (US football). Jon Schwarz at The Intercept explains something about the anthem.

“The Star-Spangled Banner,” Americans hazily remember, was written by Francis Scott Key about the Battle of Fort McHenry in Baltimore during the War of 1812. But we don’t ever talk about how the War of 1812 was a war of aggression that began with an attempt by the U.S. to grab Canada from the British Empire.

However, we’d wildly overestimated the strength of the U.S. military. By the time of the Battle of Fort McHenry in 1814, the British had counterattacked and overrun Washington, D.C., setting fire to the White House.

And one of the key tactics behind the British military’s success was its active recruitment of American slaves. As a detailed 2014 article in Harper’s explains, the orders given to the Royal Navy’s Admiral Sir George Cockburn read:

Let the landings you make be more for the protection of the desertion of the Black Population than with a view to any other advantage. … The great point to be attained is the cordial Support of the Black population. With them properly armed & backed with 20,000 British Troops, Mr. Madison will be hurled from his throne.

Whole families found their way to the ships of the British, who accepted everyone and pledged no one would be given back to their “owners.”

Men were trained to fight along with the British.

Then on the night of September 13, 1814, the British bombarded Fort McHenry. Key, seeing the fort’s flag the next morning, was inspired to write the lyrics for “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

So when Key penned “No refuge could save the hireling and slave / From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,” he was taking great satisfaction in the death of slaves who’d freed themselves. His perspective may have been affected by the fact he owned several slaves himself.

Oooooooooooookay then – that’s not something I want to stand up for either, or stick my hand on my chest for, or sing.

In fact we need a new national anthem, yesterday.

(No, I didn’t know this. I’ve never really sung it much. It wasn’t a thing at school, and I don’t go to football games. I knew some of the first stanza, and that’s it.)



A shame that he decided to be a bad one

Aug 29th, 2016 12:28 pm | By

Dayna Evans responded to David Brooks’s terrible, talentless, lazy “opinion piece” the day it appeared (last Friday).

Some writers are bad at writing, while others are good. But being good at writing is often not enough: One must also be gracious when writing about female presidential candidates. The best writers in the world are able to turn good writing into great by calling upon graciousness and intelligence in the face of an anti-intellectual world.

David Brooks — who today published “The Art of Gracious Leadership,” a musing on why Hillary Clinton is not, unlike “Lincoln, Gandhi, Mandela and Dorothy Day,” a gracious leader — is not one of those writers.

Good writers, just like the subject of David Brooks’s latest spaghetti-at-a-wall op-ed, are “humble enough to observe that the best things in life are usually undeserved”…

As David Brooks’s entire career is undeserved. He’s a bad, lazy writer who simply states the obvious or conventional in the least interesting words available. He’s not good at writing and he’s not good at thinking either. There is no there there.

David Brooks writes for a living, but he does not seem to be transformed by the act of it. When writing about a female presidential candidate, he seems to make the same mistakes he’s been making as a writer for nearly two decades. His posture is “still brittle, stonewalling and dissembling.” David Brooks’s columns are all the same.

All the same platitudinous nothing.



The kitchen debate

Aug 29th, 2016 11:46 am | By

This is so good it should be in the Louvre.

Updating to add: Artist: tiggerthewing.



Creeping modesty

Aug 29th, 2016 11:05 am | By

Gee, a sexism hat trick. The Israeli government is imposing “modesty” rules at government-sponsored events.

Israel’s Culture Ministry is to introduce new rules about how modestly performers should dress at government-sponsored events.

“Festivals and events funded by public money will respect the general public, which includes different communities,” a Culture Ministry spokesperson said.

And by “communities” they of course mean not communities at all, but religious sects. Calling them “communities” makes them sound cuddly rather than coercive.

The spokesperson spoke after a singer at a government-backed beach concert near Tel Aviv was kicked off the stage for wearing a bikini top. At a beach.

Hanna Goor, who came to public attention in Israel after appearing on a TV talent show, said a production representative told her to “get dressed” during her performance.

When she refused, he kicked her off stage before her set had finished, she claimed.

“Immediately after they took me down, I asked for an explanation. The bottom line, he explained to me, is that the request was imposed on him,” Ms Goor told the Haaretz newspaper.

Haredi influence?

Israel’s Culture Ministry disputed Ms Goor’s claim that her set was cut short, but said removing her from the stage was “necessary” because her performance did not “respect the general public who attended the show”.

“This is exactly the difference between freedom of expression and freedom of funding,” the spokesperson said, according to Jewish daily Forward.

Or maybe it’s exactly the difference between living in a secular country and living in a theocracy.



Not for girls

Aug 29th, 2016 10:34 am | By

And speaking of sex-segregated branding, a friend on Facebook alerted me to the story of the Yorkie chocolate bar.

yorkie not for girls

YORKIE – IT’S NOT FOR GIRLS!

In case we don’t understand the words or don’t know how to read, there’s also a stick figure with a skirt and a purse, with a line through her forbidden self. NO GIRLS.

Brilliant marketing, isn’t it, telling half your market NOT FOR YOU.

The Yorkie bar is famous in the UK for its former tag line: “It’s not for girls.” Nestlé first launched the slogans “Don’t feed the birds,” “Not available in pink,” and “King size not queen size” in 2002, but the bar has always been targeted at men ever since its inception.

Ahahaha – don’t you love the quirky British sense of humor? So sophisticated, so ironic, so hilarious.

It’s odd, though, that they didn’t think to say it’s only for WHITES. Wouldn’t that have been even more sophisticated and ironic?

No, I’m just pretending to think that. Of course they didn’t think to say that, because it would have been outrageous. But to say it about women? That’s just quirky laddish humor.

Then in 2002, Nestlé owned Yorkie launched the aggressively macho campaign: "It's not for girls."



For her

Aug 29th, 2016 10:22 am | By

Oh thank god – at last women can eat cashews and walnuts. They’re more expensive than the men’s, of course, but at least we can have them.



David Brooks demands more feminine niceness from Clinton

Aug 28th, 2016 3:38 pm | By

I’ve never been able to figure out how David Brooks ever got to be David Brooks. He’s so staggeringly conventional and mediocre and empty – what does anyone see in him?

Upholding his record of conventionality and mediocrity, he did an opinion piece for the Times on Friday musing on why Hillary Clinton isn’t “gracious” enough for his taste, and how important it is to be “gracious,” and how might Hillary Clinton become “gracious” enough for him.

Hillary Clinton is nothing if not experienced. Her ship is running smoothly, and yet as her reaction to the email scandal shows once again, there’s often a whiff of inhumanity about her campaign that inspires distrust.

So I’ve been thinking that it’s not enough to be experienced. The people in public life we really admire turn experience into graciousness.

Those people, I think, see their years as humbling agents. They see that, more often than not, the events in our lives are perfectly designed to lay bare our chronic weaknesses and expose some great whopping new ones.

Sooner or later life teaches you that you’re not the center of the universe, nor quite as talented or good as you thought.

Or at least…it does if you’re a woman. Because let’s face it, women are not the center of the universe – men are – and they are of course never as talented or as good as they think, because after all, they’re women. Women aren’t talented or good. It’s just so irritating when they swan around thinking they’re qualified to do a big job, when obviously only men are qualified to do that. It’s a good thing we have talented good genius men like David Brooks to take those women down a peg or two or six or a squillion.

People who are gracious also understand the accuracy of John Keats’s observation that “Nothing ever becomes real ’til it is experienced.” You can learn some truth out of a book or from the mouth of a friend, but somehow wisdom is not lodged inside until its truth has been engraved by some moment of humiliation, delight, disappointment, joy or some other firsthand emotion.

Especially humiliation, right? Bring on the humiliation! Let’s see Hillary Clinton humiliated a lot, starting right now. She can’t be gracious or dainty or sweet enough until she’s been humiliated a few thousand times. I can sense David Brooks’s excitement at the prospect from here.

Gracious people are humble enough to observe that the best things in life are usually undeserved — the way the pennies of love you invest in children get returned in dollars later on; the kindness of strangers; the rebirth that comes after a friend’s unexpected and overawing act of forgiveness.

Yup yup yup – Hillary Clinton needs to realize that she doesn’t deserve any of this – the bitch – she thinks she’s so great but really she’s just another useless woman.

It’s tough to surrender control, but like the rest of us, Hillary Clinton gets to decide what sort of leader she wants to be. America is desperate for a little uplift, for a leader who shows that she trusts her fellow citizens. It’s never too late to learn from experience.

If only everyone were as wise and generous with advice and sympathetic and just downright helpful as David Brooks.



Looking back she can see she was being groomed

Aug 28th, 2016 12:40 pm | By

The empowerment of sex work:

Lauren Darlington looked every bit the sweet 16-year-old with a mouth full of braces when her mum forged her birth certificate so she could work as a prostitute. Seven years later she is real, raw about her demons, blogging to touch others.

Her mother got half her earnings – in other words her mother was her pimp. That’s nice.

Lauren agreed to having sex for money – she wanted to get her mum out of financial trouble. But now, aged 23, she realises she was a vulnerable child and she is still paying the price and trying to make sense of the memories.

Looking back she can see she was being groomed, heavily influenced by adults she trusted. And the world of prostitution was glorified.

You mean the world of prostitution isn’t glorious? How can that be?

At the time Lauren and her mum were on welfare. Money was tight.

“They did a lot of drugs around me and one day on the way to her drug dealer’s place it came up that she was a prostitute. Mum blurted out she had been one before so could never again and the talk of the money and how ‘easy’ it was. I offered to do it for us. And that’s something I have always said and held guilt around. It was my choice.”

With a history of self harm and a fragile mindset, being plunged into the seedy adult world was damaging.

“I was hit, degraded, the mind games … I was 16 and looked it and covered in fresh scars. But I turned off. The Valium mum would give me and lack of sleep helped.”

The scars mark her razor blade slashes. Cutting her forearms and thighs was a way she tried to tell the world she was in serious trouble.

What trouble? Let’s not be sex negative here.

Eventually she told her father what was going on, and her mother was tried and convicted. They’ve reconciled. But women pimping out their daughters? Not cool. Not empowered.

H/t Rob



Guest post: A full generation behind

Aug 28th, 2016 11:15 am | By

Guest post by James Garnett, a followup to his post yesterday.

We all know this, but it’s worth stating again: being able to build equity over time is a very important way that most of us are able to get ahead in the world. Working hard matters, too, but it’s not enough.

My father worked hard. On his return from naval service in the Korean War, he used the GI Bill to earn a degree in engineering. That got him a good job, with which he and my mother were able to buy a small home on the outskirts of Dallas, Texas. Over the years, they saved money and built home equity, and by the time the 1980’s rolled around they were able to put me and my two sisters through university using a combination of savings and equity loans.

As a result, I started out in life with no debt, and a university degree. I was able to get a good job, and save some money, and then return to graduate school and get a better degree, and subsequently a better job, with which I was able to buy my home.

Now think about the prospects for a black family in 1957, when my father was just starting his university education. It was not until 1962 that the first black man was admitted to the University of Mississippi, not far away from the University of Texas. So in 1957, a good education was probably not foremost on the minds of returning black servicemen. For them, it was blue-collar work, at best.

But they couldn’t buy homes like my father did. They were stuck renting, and renting on a smaller paycheck.

Fast forward to 1980, and my father is a senior research and development engineer at Hewlett Packard, with 23 years of home equity built up. There is exactly one black engineer in his group of ~100. His remaining black peers have been living on lower wages, perhaps even paycheck to paycheck for those 23 years, and have no equity. Are they going to be able to send their children to university? Of course not. Their children are stuck in the same path as their parents.

Now the year is 2016, and I took a route that was smoothed for me every step of the way. The sons of my father’s black peers? They might own homes, if they’re lucky. They still aren’t engineers with good paying jobs, at least not in any of the engineering firms that I’ve worked in.

So you can see how building equity, and having opportunities for advancement, echo through the generations.

Things are a little bit better. It’s possible that the grandsons and granddaughters of those black families in 1957 might be able to start to have the same kind of chances that I enjoyed. But that’s a full generation behind me. And in the meantime, the inner cities have developed a mood of depression, and hopelessness. A mood in which more violence, crime, and suffering thrives.

Donald Trump doesn’t have any solutions to this, because he cannot even recognize it. I’m not certain that I do. The problems have become more complex, and simply making opportunities and striking down unfair laws is no longer enough. All I know is that Trump is not going to help.