“Just shut the fuck up and listen”
Cuttlefish wrote a poem about self-described allies who flounce off in a huff when people don’t take their brilliant advice.
Don’t you see? I am your ally!
One you dare not risk to lose!
So my clever new idea
Is the one you ought to choose!
Okay, fine, my help’s not wanted!
Suit yourselves—it’s just as well.
If you disrespect your allies
Well, then, fuck you—go to hell!
Oh zing.
Mind you…I think attempts to think about an issue are being conflated with offers of help, so then the flouncing off in a huff is misrepresented, since it wasn’t about rejections of unwanted help in the first place. But poets get license, you know.
From the prose commentary after the poem:
I lost my old aggregator and started reading about other things instead. Stuff outside my areas of expertise, where my urge to help was tempered by the knowledge that I was an ignorant outsider.
I did note, though, that being an ignorant outsider was not stopping everybody.
And I noted (or rather, saw it pointed out over and over again, across many different populations) a subgroup of ignorant outsiders who were offended when their offers of help were not met with thanks, cookies, and glitter. This verse is for them.
Well, again, I haven’t made any offers of help. I don’t have any illusions that I can help. But oh well…poets get license.
Oh, and probably this verse, too.
That verse in its entirety:
I would write it in letters, eleven feet tall—
And how they would shine; they would glisten!—
The advice I once got, the most useful of all:
“Just shut the fuck up… and listen.”
Well…no. Not exclusively. I do listen, and I also write about what I listen to, and think about what I listen to, and write about what I think about what I listen to, and so on. I think that’s part of free inquiry and free thought.
But oh well…poets get license. I don’t, but poets do.
For what it is worth, the subject matter of the poem was discussion of Black Lives Matter on twitter. I wrote it to apply more generally than just that topic.
So, what you might be seeing as poetic license might just be writing about something else entirely.
Might be, but in light of recent history…it’s not always easy for me to tell. I learned to assume the worst.
I’m very sorry then; it can’t have been nice to read, thinking it was about you. I assure you, though, it was not. And as for the “best advice” bit, I’ve always read that one as simply being about advice given *to me* that I needed to hear.
I’ve never seen you as the “clever new idea” sort, Ophelia, or seeking cookies and glitter.
Oh – well if you say it wasn’t then it wasn’t.
I apologize for the delusions of reference.
Taking all the personal stuff out of it, it is an interesting and perplexing question. I have three biracial daughters. Am I an ally of black causes and woman causes? Or am I really acting in my own best interests (that of helping my kids). Or can I be both?
Sometimes “ally” is used almost as a pejorative, like the maids or the help. If someone is acting as the help, they probably won’t tolerate much b.s. before they move on. I’m in it for the long haul, but then, I have a personal stake in the outcome.
Cuttlefish says what it’s about in the comments (# 6 – 8).
I have seen this behaviour more generally, though. Usually from white males who call themselves feminist allies — until they get criticised for something, and then they’re all, “How dare you speak to me like that!? I’m not your ally anymore!”. I can think of one specific example:
Silentbob, yes, but Cuttlefish also said (#7) “I much prefer it to be more broadly applicable.”
But, to the point, Cuttlefish said here “I assure you, though, it was not.” so that settled it.
Useful example. I think I probably saw that at the time.
But, of course, I’ve bumped up against that aspect of Greta myself now, so I don’t consider any of them “allies.”
@ 8 Ophelia Benson
Oh, I’m not surprised! I just think Cuttlefish was thinking of something else. The wounded pride of the privileged when the marginalised are insufficiently respectful.
(I don’t know, but suspect JT would include you among the non-empathic ilk.)