Guest post: Now that new genders are available off the peg
Originally a comment by latsot on The chemistry teacher’s question.
A brilliant, moving article. Lesbian and Gay News gets better and better. Any comparison with the off-red comic would be such a glaring category error that it would blind us all from space.
I have much sympathy with the author. I was bullied in much the same way, relentlessly, by kids and teachers alike. Every single day, from around the age of four to when I left school at 15. While I had a few friends, I don’t remember a single day that wasn’t hell. At first, my family didn’t seem to notice. After I had an enormous, violent explosion one night, they most certainly knew about it, but did absolutely nothing. For that, I can never forgive them.
I was constantly called a girl by kids, teachers and family and while I never thought for a moment to actually question my sex, I knew I was a broken kind of boy, not a boy like any of the others.
I was so vulnerable in other words, to grooming of virtually any kind. Thank goodness, that didn’t happen. After a period of homelessness, I went back into education and achieved the towering success I enjoy today. But as I’ve said here before, I could so easily have been seduced by a cult – any cult – that told me there was nothing wrong with me. I don’t think I’d ever have believed I was a girl, but I’m damn sure I would have gone along with it anyway, for a while at least, if I thought it might have given me some respite.
I think mine is a fairly extreme case. I was a very strange kid, have a remarkably uncaring family and it was a very rough school. But then, transing was not an option back then and acceptance of any kind of gender or behavioural nonconformity was unthinkable. Now that new genders are available off the peg it is no wonder that children – and especially girls – want to wear them like a costume. Or a suit of armour.
If only it could remain a costume, I’d be delighted. But groomers like Mermaids, institutionalised by organisations like Stonewall, are grinding children to pieces with their zealotry and we haven’t even begun to see the carnage, yet.
It has to stop.
latsot, it sounds like we have a lot in common. Not that we were called girls (in fact, because I was a girl, they called me much worse. I learned what the word “whore” meant in fifth grade. I suspect my tormentors had no idea what it meant).
Being different is a crime punishable by all sorts of torture when you’re a kid.
Thanks for that post, latsot. I can’t say I had the same kinds of difficulties you described, but yes, being a very strange kid and not having family support sounds familiar. Kids nowadays must be really confused with all that’s out there. But towering success is the best revenge, good to hear you got through it. :)
Ikn, I find when people assume I am female online because of the way I communicate, it really is a compliment. Back when I was kid though, calling a boy ‘girl’ or ‘sissy’ or ‘wuss’, or other forms of diminishing terms for female were huge insults, they were fightin’ words. Fortunately I was never insecure about my gender or sexuality, and I always wanted to be a feminist since I was a kid in the 60’s, because I had some very impressive and admirable women around. :) I always had a huge problem with bullies though, which caused me injury from time to time, I was no fighter, but I also didn’t back down from them. Never did outgrow that, bullies still irk me.
twiliter:
Yes, although I meant “towering success” ironically ;)
“Suit of armor” hits the nail on the head.
Well, that broke my heart more than a bit, although seeing the bravery of the likes of latsot, iknklast, and others who have shared their personal stories from time to time also provides solace in that success of various kinds can still triumph over early adversity.
Each of our stories is similar but different it seems. My parents divorced when I was seven. It was a bitter and protracted divorce that resulted in custody battles that raged for five years. I ended up living with my mother in what would be considered relative poverty these days, although my mother always ensured that I had something to eat and something to wear. God, I still cringe at the memories of both of those things even now. As a result I withdrew into myself and became a quiet child who loved reading SF, lived in a world of imagination, and developed a fascination with science and nature that has never waned. But I was ostracised and bullied. The year at primary school where the school entertainment of watching the lead bully punch me in the testicles every day was probably the worst. You know, you either learn to live with adversity or it crushes you. I don’t know what makes the difference for one person over another.
Those early experience have left me with a deep abiding rage toward bullies and an empathy toward people who are disadvantaged or hurt. I detest the comedy of embarrassment and humiliation. I see things like sexism, racism, class structures etc as forms of structural societal bullying. While I know that personal hard work and choices have made me what I am today, I also know that I’ve benefited from the support and kindness of others at critical points in my life. No one is entirely self made, so I reject the conservative view that the poor deserve what happens to them. I know how easily my life could have been very different. I also know that being born white and male, and growing to be tall and not ugly helped. When I was young a part of me wished I’d been born a girl, simply because it was socially acceptable for them to wear pretty clothes. Now I’m very thankful I wasn’t born a woman because, frankly, who would choose to put up with so much crap given a choice? I realise now that understanding the role of sexism and misogyny in our world was something I always knew in my bones, but took a good long time to fully (?) appreciate. Being a woman in a society that hates women – that’s strength.
I’m quite certain that there are individual trans people out there who I could support, help, and if needed protect. But the TRA movement in its current form? No way. It’s just another pack of self-centred bullies targeting women to get what they want.
I wonder how many of us feel so strongly about social and environmental issues as we do because of warped and horrible things that happened to us when we were young? I wonder how many others have gone the exact opposite way as a result of the same experiences? Anyway, that’s enough from me.
My heart goes out to you, L. I was one of those boys who could “pass.” Consequently, I didn’t come out until I was 23. You obviously have a lot of fortitude to put up with that.
Rob @5 “I’m quite certain that there are individual trans people out there who I could support, help, and if needed protect.” I am certain too, I don’t tolerate bullies, and if I saw a trans person being bullied or abused I would defend them as best I could. The trans cult activists *are* the bullies though, and I really don’t think they represent the larger trans community very well at all, and instead of working together with other marginalized groups in a common cause, they seek to further their agenda at (mostly) women’s expense. Whoever accuses people of being “transphobic”, “terf”, “cis” and other derogatory names are most often the ones who are doing the abusing and bullying. That way they can vilify their opponents who they have put on the defensive in the first place.
I am not all that effeminate, nor gay, yet in a small town in Minnesota there were many occasions to call those of us “pussies” or “fags” who were not jocks, or hunters, or those of us who actually were “smart” and got good grades or played clarinet. I played tuba, but this did not save me.
Gender is poisonous in setting expectations, of trapping women into dangerous and limiting roles, into giving boys allowance to be awful and violent towards girls, and it doesn’t necessarily get better as adults. I am truly frustrated at this trend to codify gender in a new progressive way that is just as stratified but “Now, with meds and scalpels!”
Instead of teaching people to be more accepting of gay and lesbian teens, the gender trend is providing permission to box them into a lifetime of trying to fit where they never will.