Tag: ExMuslims

  • #AnApostatesExperience

    Update to add: Ex-Muslims of North America started this hashtage to highlight the often-neglected experiences of ex-muslims.

    Go there on Twitter.

    If you’re an ex-Muslim, contribute. If you’re not, read (and contribute: nons are tweeting their reactions, urging others to read, etc).

    It’s powerful, some of it desperately sad, some of it joyous.

    A few (without handles):

    When the brothers of women you know from prayer tell you in the streets that you deserve to be sold into prostitution #AnApostatesExperience

    Losing the friendship of every non-relative Muslim I knew & the love of some relatives #AnApostatesExperience

    “Watching your mother accept she’s not allowed to visit her child’s grave, and not being able to say anything.” – #AnApostatesExperience

    Crying at the end of Disney’s “Brave” b/c Merida resolved their differences and got her mom back…and I couldn’t.

    Lying about your values and lifestyle to family so that they will still love you #AnApostatesExperience

    Being told by your devout sister(real) that “you deserve to be killed for leaving islam as hadith clearly says” #AnApostatesExperience

  • Representing the totality

    My friend Muhammad Syed, co-founder and ED of EXMNA, has an open letter to Yale Humanists and Muslim Students Association at Hemant’s blog.

    As an activist and an ex-Muslim, I have witnessed many attempts to prevent direly-needed conversations by those threatened by the voices of others. I am saddened to see this trend continue — namely, the letter signed by several student organizations at Yale in order to prevent Ayaan Hirsi Ali from speaking at their university.

    I believe the Yale Muslim Students Association should be ashamed of their attempt to silence Hirsi Ali, and the Yale Humanists should be ashamed for being complicit in the effort.

    There is no doubt that Hirsi Ali has made comments that are often deemed inflammatory to Muslims. Although I find myself often disagreeing with her stances, I admire her courage and stamina. No one has shed light on the barbaric practices continued in the name of Islam as forcefully as she has. The fact that she is one of the only ex-Muslims speaking out about these kinds of practices is not evidence that the abuse is rare or confined to small fundamentalist communities. Rather, it is evidence of the censure and targeting of those who are willing to speak frankly about Islam and demand change in the Muslim world.

    In the letter, it is claimed that Hirsi Ali should not speak on Islam due to the fact that “she does not hold the credentials” to do so, and when she was given the opportunity to speak in the past, she “overlooked the complexity of sociopolitical issues in Muslim-majority countries and has purported that Islam promotes a number of violent and inhumane practices.”

    To any liberal-minded person, this reasoning will sound weak at best and intolerant at worst. According to these Yale student organizations, only one who has the right “credentials” (a term that is not defined) and purports a positive view of Islam should be allowed to speak at their university.

    It does seem like a very high bar, even if you agree that she’s said some very unpleasant things.

    Although this behavior is regrettably expected from the Muslim Students Association (MSA), I’m shocked that the Yale Humanists have joined such an effort. In addition to co-signing the MSA’s letter, the Yale Humanists added that they don’t believe she represents the “totality of the ex-Muslim experience” in their own statement.

    Which begs the question: Who, exactly, does represent a “totality” of an experience? Which ex-Muslim voice is “valid” enough or has the right credentials to critique Islam? Do Muslims need special “credentials” when speaking positively of Islam? Or is that requirement reserved only for those who do not believe that all religious traditions are the same and wonderful end-to-end? Do I have to believe (as Muslims do) that Islam is ultimately a peaceful religion or that Muhammad was a role-model for mankind before I’m deemed credible enough to speak about the faith?

    Short answer? Yes.

    …as a courageous Somali woman, Hirsi Ali’s existence alone is an inspiration to many, including one of our young Somali members who stated:

    “I hate her views on current events and the statements she puts forth, she can be biased and too personal in her views, but there’s a place in my heart for her only because before, I literally thought it was impossible to be a female, Somali ex-Muslim so to deny her and being ‘offended’ by her visit, denies my existence socially from being known and accepted”.

    As a former Muslim with friends and loved ones who are Muslim, I am disappointed with the behavior of the Muslim Students Association. There’s a pattern of silencing dissent that runs through the Muslim world both today and throughout much of its history, which we all need to work together to end. That effort should include all the signatories of the letter, including the Yale MSA, a group that I believe should lead the fight against fundamentalism and work towards fostering an open and honest dialogue.

    But some members of the MSA perhaps think that stifling dissent is a core value of their religion…

    You have the ability to help improve the lives of apostates, LGBTQ members of your community, and subjugated women. You can lobby to pass legislation on eliminating forced marriages and raise funds to help those who need to escape abusive situations instead of pretending as if it doesn’t happen in Muslim households. You can act as watchdogs and condemn those religious leaders who encourage women to stay with abusive families. You can encourage Muslim women to seek civil divorce instead of going through a patriarchal religious authority who, too often, denies them agency. You can both celebrate World Hijab Day and defend the right of women to reject modesty codes without facing social or legal repercussions. You can do so much more to better the state of Muslims and Muslim society, but instead you spend your time silencing criticism.

    There are a million ways in which you can transform the world, but if you want a better tomorrow, a tomorrow that is clearly within your grasp, it requires moral and intellectual courage as well as honesty. That change will not come if Muslims refuse to accept criticism and their allies defend them, even at the cost of sacrificing the liberal values they hold dear.

    Its a bad idea to defend allies at the cost of sacrificing the liberal values. A bad, bad, bad idea.

  • Islam teaches us shame

    One of the ExMuslim blogs at EXMNA is Chista’s Contemplation. Her most recent post is A Conversation With My Mother.

    Chista’s mother dragged her to visit a shrine, to pay respects to an “Islamic Saint” buried there. And then they got to the mosque…

    I observed how the Male Prayer Hall was opulently decorated with grand chandeliers and exquisite furnishing. I observed how elaborately designed curtains were hung before the Mihrab and how the intricately decorated prayer rugs were generously spread around. Most importantly, I observed how ventilated the Hall was. Doors were unbolted. Window panels were unlatched. There was a beautiful blend of sunlight and chandelier light throughout the grand hall.

    And then, there was a Female Prayer Room, a tiny shoebox all the way at the back. A dilapidated room that one could have easily mistaken it for a storeroom. Simple plain white lights and a few prayer rugs. Most importantly, I noticed how it was completely shut off from the rest of the world and enclosed by heavy curtains.  It was so stuffy and stifling.  The doors to all 4 walls were closed and women had to open the doors carefully so as to ensure that the outsiders can’t get a glimpse of the women inside.

    Stark, isn’t it. The men get space and opulence and beauty and freedom of movement and fresh air and light. The women get a small stuffy hot closed-off functional box. Men get all the good things, women get no good things.

    It’s strikingly overt. It’s a quite blunt and open insult and dismissal. “We get nice things and you get nasty. Shut up.”

    Chista asked, pretend-innocently, if women could be Imams. She got the expected response, and they argued.

    “Who says leadership positions are for men only?” I carried on, somewhat perplexed. “Women have become presidents. Women have conquered Mount Everest. Women have gone to space. Women have done a lot more than what they have been credited for.”

    “So you think a woman should be able to lead the prayers? Do you know why men and women cannot pray side by side? It’s because of Hayaa. Islam teaches us shame and we women must protect our Awrah,” she retorted. She went on and on about how it is the duty of women to not cause Fitnah for the ‘poor men’.

    Islam teaches us shame”; what a beautiful thought.

    I stared at her in disbelief. It is not our duty or responsibility of their sexual desires, or the lack of control of it, I screamed at her in my mind. But I did not dare say it might come off as being too controversial to her. Instead, I cut away our eye contact and looked away in fury.

    “I am so sorry, Chista. I know it is very hard being a women. I have cried many days and nights for being born as a woman. It’s a sin, Chista. It is a sin.”

    An even more beautiful thought – it’s a sin to be born female.

    Shiiiiiit.