Sometimes the contempt and disgust (and dread) just become overwhelming. This California lawsuit by a gaggle of Christian high schools against the state university system for not crediting some of their courses is one of those times.

Among those courses are “Christianity’s Influence in American History” and “Christianity and American Literature,” both of which draw on textbooks published by Bob Jones University of Greenville, S.C., which describes itself as having stood for “the absolute authority of the Bible since 1927.”

‘Textbooks.’ ‘Bob Jones University.’ The ‘absolute authority.’ Of ‘the Bible.’ One doesn’t know where to direct the most rage and hatred, the profoundest disdain and incredulity. So let’s read some passages while we try to figure it out.

“United States History for Christian Schools,” written by Timothy Keesee and Mark Sidwell (Bob Jones University, 2001), says this about Thomas Jefferson. American believers can appreciate Jefferson’s rich contribution to the development of their nation, but they must beware of his view of Christ as a good teacher but not the incarnate son of God. As the Apostle John said, “Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son” (I John 2:22).

That’s a history ‘textbook’. Well, look, you might as well use a ‘textbook’ that says ‘American believers can appreciate Frederick Douglass’s rich contribution to the development of Their Nation [cue pledge], but they must beware of his view of Bugs Bunny as a good role model for mischievous children but not the incarnate son of the Easter bunny’ and then gives a quote from The Wizard of Oz. And then pitch a fit and file a lawsuit when the University of California won’t credit courses in which such a ‘textbook’ features.

Or what about this half-witted bilge about the Progressive movement?

On the whole, they believed that man is basically good and that human nature might be improved. … Such a belief, of course, ignored the biblical teaching that man is sinful by nature (Ephesians 2:1-3). Progressives therefore also ignored the fact that the fallible men who built the corrupt institutions that they attacked were the same in nature as those who filled the political offices and staffed the regulatory agencies that were supposed to control the corruption.

So woe unto you, ye generation of vipers, if you think the evil corrupt sinful fallible froth froth gummint can ever possibly conceivably ever ever do anything to control corruption – oh no oh no, I say unto you, even as seven times seven, only the sinful by nature fallible bidness community can ever control the corruption of the sinful by nature fallible bidness community. Yea verily even as the fox alone can guard the henhouse, even as the prison guard alone can control the prison guard, even as the Christian alone can chastise the Christian, so no gummint nor political officeholder nor regulatory agency nor reformer can ever guard or control or chastise the bidness community, nay even as the Gadarene swine remove the mote from his eye, amen.

“Elements of Literature for Christian Schools,” by Ronald Horton, Donalynn Hess and Steven Skeggs (Bob Jones University, 2001), faults Mark Twain for calling God “an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.” Twain’s outlook was both self-centered and ultimately hopeless. Denying that he was created in the image of God, Twain was able to rid himself of feeling any responsibility to his Creator. At the same time, however, he defiantly cut himself off from God’s love. Twain’s skepticism was clearly not the honest questioning of a seeker of truth but the deliberate defiance of a confessed rebel.

Not the honest questioning of a seeker of truth – like the kind the people of ‘Bob Jones University’ engage in? As these books – so redolent of honest questioning and truth-seeking – make so abundantly obvious? The deliberate defiance of a confessed rebel – one who should have been tortured and thrown into prison if not executed, no doubt.

Dickinson’s year at Mount Holyoke Female Seminary further shaped her “religious” views. During her stay at the school, she learned of Christ but wrote of her inability to make a decision for Him. She could not settle “the one thing needful.” A thorough study of Dickinson’s works indicates that she never did make that needful decision. Several of her poems show a presumptuous attitude concerning her eternal destiny and a veiled disrespect for authority in general. Throughout her life she viewed salvation as a gamble, not a certainty. Although she did view the Bible as a source of poetic inspiration, she never accepted it as an inerrant guide to life.

Well how dare she. She had a presumptuous attitude. She had a ‘veiled’ (the sly, deceitful thing) disrespect for authority (authority like yours, no doubt). She viewed ‘salvation’ as not a certainty – in other words she lacked your pea-brained flat-headed aggressive hostile impervious impenetrable moronic dogmatic mindlessness. Well shame on her.

“Physics for Christian Schools,” by R. Terrance Egolf and Linda Shumate (Bob Jones University, 2004), addresses the question, “What is Christian about physics?” First, all secular science is pervaded by mechanistic, naturalistic and evolutionistic philosophy. Learning that the laws of mechanics as they pertain to a baseball in flight are just the natural consequences of the way matter came together denies the wisdom and power of our Creator God. … Second, physics as taught in the schools of the world contradicts the processes that shaped the world we see today. Trying to believe both secular physics and the Bible leaves you in a state of confusion that will weaken your faith in God’s Word.

So – you shouldn’t believe secular physics. So if the mood should strike you, you should feel free to take a shortcut from the roof to the ground by stepping off. Your lack of confusion and powerful faith in God’s word will cause secular physics to be suspended for your sake, and you will reach the ground as healthy and happy as you were when you stepped off the roof. We see this every day. Amen.

If these people would just shut up and go away – would settle together in some religious colony in the Arctic circle or somewhere – it wouldn’t be so bad. But of course they won’t. They want to force this shit on all the rest of us. I wish I were more confident that they’ll never succeed.

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