Fine Careless Rapture

Tribulation. Got that? Think about it.

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Don’t mind me, it’s just this rapture site I’ve been looking at. It’s inspiring – is that the word I mean? No, not quite. It’s – baffling? No, that’s not it. Hilarious? Pathetic? Oh, it’ll come to me.

Okay so down to business. What, you’ve been wondering, is wrong with homosexuality? The FAQ section has a whole page all on its own to answer that important question, so I hustled right along to it, excited and hopeful that I would finally learn just exactly what it is that gets Christians (and other religious zealots too) so frantic with rage about homosekshality while other, one would think more pressing and significant, human wrongdoing is neglected. What, oh what is it, I muttered to myself as I clicked.

A whole lot of things, but mostly this: It’s an abomination to God.

Oh. That’s it. Period. Flatline. Dead end. That’s all there is. No, no, don’t get all excited – he doesn’t say what ‘a whole lot of things’ refers to – he doesn’t say what those things are. Nope. Not so much as a hint, not even about one of the things – just one measly little thing, wouldn’t you think he could –

I’m sorry. But anyway, he doesn’t. No, it’s just that it’s an abomination to God.

Poor God. So that’s what he’s up to up there? Sitting around chewing his fingernails and fretting and making his stomach hurt because of all these rampant prancing queers? So why’s it such an abomination? Why does it bother him so much? Why isn’t he more worried about stuff like torturing children in the belief that they are witches or possessed by demons? Or marrying off little girls to strangers as punishment for something their fathers or uncles or younger brothers did, or as it sometimes turns out didn’t do after all? Or blowing people up to make a point, or ruining the lives of everyone in entire countries out of religious zeal or eagerness to fill one’s pockets with money? Why does he have such odd priorities?

Do you suppose it could be the guy who runs this rapture site who thinks homosexuality is an abomination, and that he’s just saying it’s God who does? That’s a very suspicious thing to think, isn’t it. Or maybe it’s somebody he knew when he was a little boy, and he somehow got that person mixed up with ‘God.’ Maybe that’s it.

Anyway – the great ‘why’ remains unanswered. He has a whole page to do it in, but he never gets there. He has some words on the page, but they don’t say anything except it’s an abomination. Abomination, Bible quotations, Sodom, abomination, Bible quotations. That’s it. So the great mystery – what? what? what is it? what is the problem? why is it such a big deal? why does it worry you so much? why is it worse than murder, torture, cruelty, exploitation? what is wrong with you? – remains a mystery.

However the guy does have a practical side – he does think ahead. (Whew!) He has an answer for the question ‘How do you plan to maintain this site after the rapture?’

I have no master plan for maintaining Rapture Ready all the way through the seven-year tribulation. After the big event takes place, I expect RR to last several months. After all, the internet was designed to survive a nuclear war. It should be able to survive the great catching up of all believers. It is unlikely any one domain will be able to service the massive traffic surge that will be directed at all prophecy sites. The best hope for achieving enough bandwidth to allow for millions of people to view Rapture Ready’s content is for tribulation saints to mirror the site dozens of times.

So he’s quite sensible after all! Except for maybe just this one thing about being so obsessed with homosekshuality. Other than that he’s got his Arkansas (yes) feet on the ground.

Dang, I’m glad he’s in Arkansas. That’s a good two thousand miles from here, I think – maybe more. That’s very good. He probably won’t be knocking on my door or throwing stones at my window any time soon. I’m really pleased – well, relieved – about that.

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