Just a bit of fun
Charlotte Proudman reports on the harassment she’s getting, and why she’s not apologizing.
Why all the fuss? Should women not be grateful that they’re being complimented on their looks by strangers, particularly by powerful, senior men? Let me be clear: the compliments I receive from friends or family, and those I choose to give, are a private matter. I do not welcome unsolicited remarks about my body from someone I don’t know and who, in a professional context, is in a position of authority over me. Sexist comments are part of the process that seals and cements women’s subordinate position to men in the workplace.
Yet many professional women believe that because of their relative disempowerment they simply have to tolerate such intrusive and oppressive behaviour. After all, it is just casual, everyday sexism – just a bit of “fun”. Properly understood, however, it constitutes social policing, gender control, and – in its darker manifestations – a hidden form of social violence. We have to fully recognise this fact and take it seriously before we can change it.
The right wing media trashed her, and inspired extra levels of harassment and abuse.
But it’s necessary to fight back.
A woman messaged me to say that a man in a senior position at her work made sexist comments about her physical appearance. When she informed her boss, she was told not to take it seriously. Other women are contacting me to ask how they can call out sexism without fear of recrimination.
I can’t sugar-coat this. I would never want any woman to face what I have endured in challenging sexism. But if we genuinely want to eradicate everyday sexism at work, we need a zero-tolerance policy. And I encourage women and men to support one another in identifying and challenging sexism in all professional contexts. We will only get the equality we fight for. It will not come easily, and it will not be painless. But if we are to value and respect women in the workplace, that fight is ahead of us.
We’ve only been trying for fifty years or so.
It occurs to me that employers should think of this in terms of bullying–because it’s exactly analogous. Men in positions of power use sexism like this in order to remind their subordinates who has the power, and it is all too easy for them to excuse it with the “just a joke” reason. This is the same as bullies among children, where the bully usually has some power advantage (size, popularity, etc.), and when confronted with their behavior will often excuse it with “oh, we’re friends, it was just joking around”. Having been bullied as a child, I can completely understand how sexism in the workplace is used in similar ways in order to enforce and reinforce the status quo of the power dynamic. And anyone who has ever been bullied for an extended period of time should be able to understand the long-term psychological effects that bullying/sexism can have.
She shamed him, so gets death threats as punishment.
It’s just frightening. Our society doesn’t just condone hatred of women, it actively encourages it. It’s the Internet equivalent of stoning.
It’s always “only a joke!” – Well, most of the time the joke is not very funny.
Can’t you take a joke?
No, not when the joke is at the expense of my dignity (or that of another person).
Can’t you take a compliment?
If I interact with someone professionally, I certainly do appreciate compliments (and constructive criticism where appropriate) on work-related matters. However, unless I am a fashion model, my appearance is not part of my work performance, and compliments or critiques on how I look or dress or whether I am smiling enough are (or ought to be) out of bounds.
‘We will only get the equality we fight for.’
That’s a really powerful line. Unfortunately, as I was telling a friend the other night, right now my economic survival is more important than my dignity, so I won’t be able to fight for any.
I got this same thing. I had a male colleague who was not only asking me out himself, but giving my name and work phone number to friends of his to ask out. When I complained to my (female) supervisor, I was told I “should be flattered”. Why? Because some yahoo at work thinks my looks are what is important about me?
It was also pointed out that the male was not technically my supervisor (he was in a position of some authority over me, but unable to hire or fire, so therefore only supervisor when he was critiquing my work and telling me what to do, hence not supervisor) and therefore was not in a position to harass me. What? So it was just innocent fun (telling raunchy jokes about my desirable body, and how he’d like to jump me to a female colleague in my hearing is NOT innocent fun), and he was not my supervisor anyway, so just be flattered and shut up.
@guest – of course sometimes people have no choice but to make the best of an unjust situation, so all I can say is that I hope your situation improves and your options broaden in the future.
And that puts the onus on those of us who have the good fortune to be somewhat more secure, based on age, financial status, experience, work sector, etc to fight that much harder for the dignity and equality of all.