Ooh cheeky

Clair Woodward on “competitive womaning”:

Diana Thomas is writing in the Telegraph about her week. Whizzing from hairdressers to lunch with a friend, to a plastic surgeon to a doctor. It’s a whirl!

Diana, of course, is a trans woman.

This week, after a chat with the hairdresser, it’s that lunch with a girlfriend. “Conscious of the drive home, I only drink one small glass of rosé, but consume a delicious dish of hake in a stew of tomatoes and mussels, mopped up with freshly baked bread and followed by a gooey chocolate pudding with hazelnut ice cream. Amanda sticks to a strict bread and gin diet, which could become all the rage.”

That’s how women think and talk, innit. “Gooey” pudding – isn’t she adorable? Mind you, she’s 62, and most women stop being cutesie long before that age; I think we have a gut instinct that it ceases to be cute around age 20, or even that being cute is maybe not such a great idea over the long haul. But men who “transition” to being women after decades of being that other sex seem to see things differently.

However, later in the week , Diana’s treating herself. “I’m due to return to London for a consultation with my vocal cord surgeon, followed by a visit to the V&A. A cup of coffee and a cheeky slice of cake in the museum café are not out of the question.”

A what? What the fuck is a cheeky slice of cake? Does it go wink wink nudge nudge as you eat it?

No, it’s more cutesy-talk from a man playacting woman.

Diana’s got years of frock action to look forward to, as she wrote previously.

“I’ve got 40 years of fashion and shopping to catch up on. Plus, I love clothes. I believe that fashion is as powerful a force for self-expression as any other art form…I long to have fun, go places, wear pretty clothes, rock bikinis and fall in love. And if all I can do for now is collect the clothes in which I will one day perform my personal romcom, so be it…”

No actual 62-year-old woman talks about how she longs to rock bikinis. Probably not too many 62-year-old men talk about how they long to rock Speedos, either, but they wouldn’t be as roughly treated for it.

Diana, of course, is quite rightly concerned about looking as good as possible, and sounding it, too, as she consults specialists about changing her voice to a lighter timbre. Saying the right things, as well, as in a discussion with a male estate agent who wouldn’t listen to what she was suggesting. “I’m beginning to find that men simply talk over me and ignore what I have to say, until they decide that in fact it was their idea all along. And yes, all together now… ‘Welcome to being a woman!’.” She concludes: “So then I asked myself, does it matter if they think it’s their idea, so long as I actually get my way?”

Oh good. Feminism being rethought and then thrown away by a man who at age 62 “identifies as” a woman. Thanks, Diana, we’ve been longing for the help.

Diana was born David Thomas, the son of a diplomat, and attended Eton and Cambridge before having a hugely successful journalism career; was married and had three children. Looks like a great life to me, obviously apart from the painful issue of being born into the wrong body, and in an interview with Mick Brown, admitted that she realised she had tremendous privilege, and knew she would have to give it up.

But not all of it. There’s the column in the Telegraph for instance, saying what it’s like being a woman from the point of view of a man.

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