Melania movie not wowing the critics.

“The golden age of America begins right now!” Trump bleats in his inaugural address, while Melania sits behind him, her face twitching unnervingly between pout and smile. Woven through the documentary’s depiction of the events in the run-up to the Trumps’ return to the White House are signs of the film’s strange genesis. Melania’s chief of staff denies a request from Matt Belloni, the entertainment journalist, to hear more about her mysterious Amazon deal. At the banquet dinner on inauguration eve (where guests are served a gold egg and caviar, because, as a sycophantic designer tells the first lady, “white and gold is you!”) viewers will repeatedly spy Amazon proprietor Jeff Bezos alongside other oligarchs like Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Tim Cook. For the rights to tell this “story”, Amazon paid around $40m, including $28m directly to Mrs Trump. An expensive seat at an expensive table.

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To call Melania vapid would do a disservice to the plumes of florid vape smoke that linger around British teenagers. She calls herself a “mother, wife, daughter, friend”, yet is only depicted preening and scowling. Figures like Brigitte Macron and Queen Rania of Jordan appear to bolster Melania’s geopolitical credentials, yet time and again she returns to banal aphorisms. “Cherish your family and loved ones,” she implores audiences, who were, up until then, neglecting their family and despising their loved ones. Trump himself is an instantly more charismatic presence on screen. His scenes offer a relief from Melania’s mask of pure nothingness. Hitting cinemas as the streets of America remain filled with the angry and grieving – with the country on the verge of an irreparable schism – the vulgar, gilded lifestyle of the Trumps makes them look like Marie Antoinette skulking in her cake-filled chateau, or Hermann Göring staring up at his looted Monet.

Maybe we should all be replaced by pods. It would certainly be simpler.