The Facebook commentator I Fucking Love Australia is not unduly impressed by Trump’s efforts to summon help with the Strait of Hormuz thing.

BREAKING: President Trump says the US in conjunction with “many countries” is sending war ships to the Strait of Hormuz to keep it “open and safe.”

Trump also calls on China, France, Japan, South Korea, the UK, and others to send war ships to Hormuz.

Oh. Oh this is beautiful. This is the geopolitical equivalent of the guy who starts a bar fight, gets his head put through the pool table, and then looks up at the bouncer with blood pouring out of his nose going “Are you gonna DO something about these guys?!”

Let me get this straight. You bombed Iran. YOU started this. You launched Operation Epic Fury like a kid naming his Nerf gun. You flattened their cities, cratered their infrastructure, killed God knows how many civilians, and now that they’ve done the ONE thing that every single analyst on Earth said they would do… close the Strait of Hormuz… you’re asking CHINA for help?

CHINA. The country you’ve spent three years tariffing into oblivion. The country you called an enemy of civilisation. You want THEM to send warships to protect YOUR oil supply chain? In what universe does Xi Jinping take that phone call and not just put it on speaker so the whole room can laugh?

And here’s the bit that should be printed on a plaque and hung in the Smithsonian under the heading “Weapons Grade Cognitive Dissonance Dipshit.” Direct quote from the man himself:

“We have already destroyed 100% of Iran’s Military capability.”

Next sentence. LITERALLY the next sentence:

“But it’s easy for them to send a drone or two, drop a mine, or deliver a close range missile somewhere along, or in, this Waterway.”

100% except for the drones and mines and close range missiles, Smartypants! They don’t count as military capability. Because they don’t, that’s why.