No more beardos

Hegseth has his pants in a bunch again.

As they juggle ongoing U.S. military operations against Iran and a host of other national security challenges, senior Pentagon officials have also been pressing ahead on a far different priority: tightening the grooming, fitness and appearance standards of the American service members. 

Military officials have recently taken steps to address troops who fail to meet hair, weight and physical fitness standards, nine months after Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth delivered a blunt message to a room full of admirals and generals at Marine Corps Base Quantico, declaring there would be “no more beardos” and “fat troops.” 

Because appearance is everything, troops. After all, would Hegseth be in charge of the military if he looked like, say, Trump? No he would not.

The renewed emphasis comes as Hegseth, an Army National Guard veteran and former Fox News host, has privately complained in recent days about seeing service members with facial hair and has expressed frustration over lapses in physical training and violations of military height and weight standards, according to U.S. officials familiar with the matter. 

And he is the expert. He’s a tv guy, and he knows tv stuff. Appearance is everything.

One official told CBS News that Hegseth believes his message has not been fully embraced by the military’s senior leadership despite his repeated public and private calls for stricter enforcement. The military official, who is not authorized to speak publicly and talked with CBS News under condition of anonymity, said the defense secretary was frustrated that his speech to the top brass gathered from around the world at Quantico last year did not produce the rapid change he expected. 

Is he sobbing himself to sleep every night? I hope?

The military is overhauling how they measure body composition following Pentagon guidance to all the services issued in December in an effort to restore the “warrior ethos” demanded by Hegseth and has rolled out guidance that frames shaving as a matter of military readiness rather than appearance. 

Erm, what? How is a requirement to shave a matter of military readiness as opposed to its opposite? “I’ll be with you in just a few minutes, sir, I have to shave first, I hope the invaders don’t overrun our position beforeoopsaarghboom…”

Over roughly 18 months as defense secretary, Hegseth has repeatedly argued in speeches, policy directives and public remarks that relaxed appearance standards are symptomatic of a military culture that has drifted away from discipline and combat readiness. 

Of course he has. He’s a tv guy, and he’s not bright.