Behold the healing modalities
The Post has more on Paltrow’s wellnessbabble.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand, Goop, has promoted “energy stickers” made from “the same conductive carbon material NASA uses to line space suits” — even though the stickers had nothing to do with spacesuits at all.
And coffee enemas.
And vaginal steaming.
And the jade eggs.
Why stop there? Why doesn’t she move on to gasoline ear-irrigations? Vaginal cauterization? Cyanide enemas? The all-coffee diet? Serenity through blood-letting? Leeches for the flu?
But when asked whether the products Goop sells online are based on pseudoscience, Paltrow told BBC News no.
“We disagree with that wholeheartedly,” the actress and business executive said Tuesday on “BBC Breakfast.” “We really believe that there are healing modalities that have existed for thousands of years, and they challenge maybe a very conventional Western doctor that might not believe necessarily in the healing powers of essential oils or any variety of acupuncture — things that have been tried and tested for hundreds of years. And we find that they are very helpful to people and that there’s an incredible power in the human body to heal itself.
There’s so much horseshit in that – hey maybe she could harvest it and use it in a poultice to cure Crohn’s.
It doesn’t matter how “wholeheartedly” she “disagrees” that her claims are bullshit. This isn’t poetry, it’s medical science, and amateurs don’t get to just make shit up and then use their passion as a form of argument. For the same reasons it doesn’t matter whether or not they “really believe” – they’re still wrong. “Healing modalities” is a significance-pump. The fact that the “modalities” have existed for thousands of years does not mean they have curative powers. Calling medical doctors “very conventional Western” is just manipulation. “Healing powers” could mean anything, including “it doesn’t kill you and it’s comfortable in the meantime.” And then in summation she jumps to the usefully vague “helpful,” which isn’t really the issue. If Goop’s advertising said no more than “Buy this, it’s pleasant and helpful,” there would probably be no lawsuits.
“And so, I think, anytime you are trying to move the needle and you’re trying to empower women, you find resistance, and we just think that’s just part of what we do, and we’re proud to do it.”
Oh fuck off, Gwyneth. Peddling woo does not empower women.
Goop’s $145,000 penalties stemmed from a consumer protection lawsuit filed by 10 prosecutors across California who accused Paltrow’s company of advertising products with medical claims that “were not supported by competent and reliable science.”
The Santa Clara County district attorney’s office detailed some of Goop’s claims in a news release about the settlement:
Goop advertised that the Jade and Rose Quartz eggs — egg-shaped stones designed to be inserted vaginally and left in for various lengths of time — could balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse, and increase bladder control. Goop advertised that the Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend, a blend of essential oils meant [to] be taken orally or added to bathwater, could help prevent depression.
What I’m saying. Those claims go well beyond “pleasant and helpful.” And they are not just conversation, they are used to sell the product. She’s not giving it away. It’s not cheap, either.
She’s like Trump, though; the more criticism she gets, the more people flock to her.
I know people like Paltrow use it as a pejorative, but I wonder how doctors in, e.g., Japan, would feel about being told that they practice “Western” medicine.
I’m aware that some practices like acupuncture are more widely accepted in many Asian countries, but it seems rather patronizing and manipulative (not to mention inaccurate) to suggest that modern state of the art medical practice is “Western.”
But sticking a jade egg up your vagina is neither pleasant nor helpful, and could be harmful even if she didn’t claim medical “healing modalities” for it. So there might still be lawsuits, unless she mentions the possibility of toxic shock syndrome and gets them to sign a waiver that they are using it at their own risk.
That’s why I said ‘no more than “Buy this, it’s pleasant and helpful,”’ – just BUY it; don’t stick it up you.
She’s proven though.
She’s proven the old adage that there’s one born every minute: quack, or sucker, or both.
Her Psychic Vampire Repellent works, though. Not one single purchaser has died from a psychic vampire attack. And just $26.00 for a whole 3.4oz spray containing…erm…sonically tuned water. Betcha didn’t know water could be sonically tuned, didja?
Full ingredient list (boldened by me to emphasise the WTF!:
How does this mysterious blend of bullshit and water work? First, you have to
..and then…well, that’s it, really.
Ooh! The legal bit:
There’s also their Chill Child – Kid Calming Mist, and the indispensable Clean Slate Mist (currently sold out; must be good stuff), for removing bad auras and undesirable energies. Just $26.00 each for 3.4oz (I see a pattern forming here). The ingredients are..well..pretty much identical, albeit with a slight variation in the herb oils used ‘cos that’s how to make three unnecessary and expensive products from one unnecessary and expensive product.
And people buy this shit!
Ha! Funniest thing I’ve read today!
There are a great many products that I do no more than buy, then wonder why my life hasn’t been improved by the purchase. Darn, have to read the book, practice the etudes (more than once!), try the recipes, use the exercise device. Details, details.
I regret to say that I saw that segment on BBC Breakfast which caused me to bite through yet another keyboard. They’ve stopped making the ones I like, I’m going to have to start being careful.
It frees them from the tyranny of being healthy if they have an ailment that can be helped by actual medicine.
It frees them from the tyranny of being glad that they’re basically healthy if there’s nothing wrong with them.
It frees them from the tyranny of not feeling special for having a disease that doesn’t exist.
And, if they’re not careful, it frees them from the tyranny of being alive.
I’m going to put this slogan on everything I make. Which is especially confusing because most of the things I make are software.
Maybe I should start putting that slogan on my plays when I send them to theatres for submission. Think that might get me noticed?
Every vaginal egg is a rock that ISN’T being used to break patriarchal windows.
Pseudo-empowering woo is a suicidal anti-feminism. And its been ground into the fabric of public life for decades.
Brilliant.