Too fragile

Brenda Brooks at Feminist Current on the Oprah interview with Ellen “Elliott” Page:

I watched the Oprah interview with interest, hoping that Page might be encouraged to discuss the nature of the compelling urge that led to such a seminal modification in herself. I wondered: what were the specifics that define a woman or a man so clearly that altering one’s body to eliminate one set of discrepancies, and confirm others, made sense? A clear definition between the two would be required, wouldn’t it, in order to choose to go forward in life as one sex, rather than the other? Was transition a mostly psychological event, or primarily physical? I wondered what changes would occur in future relationships. Would the previous role of “woman” be rescinded in some way? Was there something we might call a male essence that now existed within? If so, could it be described?

Those are interesting questions. Why is it not enough to reject the stereotypes that limit both sexes and just try to be whatever kind of human feels the most like you? What is the feeling that requires more? Tell us about it, explain it to us.

At a 2014 conference in support of LGBT youth, Page commented on the criticism she sometimes received for refusing to dress according to feminine standards, “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculine and feminine that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress, and speak, and they serve no one.” I hoped that Oprah might probe this observation. If Page truly saw gender stereotypes for what they are (superficial, damaging assumptions about what it is to be male or female) on what basis was the decision made to “change sex,” even going so far as to undergo the removal of her breasts? I hoped that Winfrey wouldn’t miss the opportunity to have the nuanced, complex discussion such decisions would seem to warrant, and, in a broader societal sense, require.

Winfrey didn’t ask the questions I would have liked to hear, but in this case I could hardly blame her. Page seemed too vulnerable, even fragile, to warrant a probing inquiry of any depth. In addition, Winfrey may have felt uncomfortable questioning the topic of “trans” too deeply for fear of blowback. Her mandate, as is true for media generally, was to affirm Page’s decisions and beliefs, not inquire into them in order to gain a deeper understanding.

And why is that the mandate? I can only assume it’s because that “blowback” is so ferocious and so damaging.

She tells Winfrey “I feel like I haven’t gotten to be myself since I was 10 years old.” In that moment it occurred to me that Page’s physical appearance was closer to an androgynous adolescent than a 34-year-old man (or woman, for that matter) — as if, after winding things up with Oprah, she might head off to get the school picture taken. I found myself wondering if what was truly being longed for were the lost years of childhood, those days when, for a magical, blessed time, we are neither boys or girls — we simply are.

That seems all too likely, and sad. Leaving childhood behind is difficult, but dang, surely being stuck in it forever is worse. It’s difficult for adolescents because they still are partly children, but that doesn’t go on being true forever. That ol’ prefrontal cortex does its slow developing and eventually the child is just gone, and the adult may like to remember her childhood but she doesn’t want to literally revert to it.

Like Page, I too want children to have the opportunity to be themselves at 10 and beyond — to be able to observe themselves in a mirror and see their true selves, to persevere in this crazy world long enough to understand a simple truth: it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. It is only a matter of being born in the wrong time — a time when damaging and dangerous stereotypes have risen once again in conjunction with society’s ability and willingness to perform invasive and irreversible medical procedures.

And make a lot of money doing it.

Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Elliot Page is a disturbing reminder that, under the guise of inclusivity, kindness, and affirmation, children are being led by a Pied Piper blend of media, medicine, politics, and celebrity, into a world of catastrophic self-loathing instead.

Catastrophic self-loathing and self-mutilation.

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