The u-word

Uh oh, Washington Post columnist Alexandra Petri seems to have missed the memo.

Oh, good. I was just thinking: I have too many rights. We’ve got to cull, cull, cull! Do I really need to be voting and controlling my own body? That feels like much too much. Also, it’s spring! What better time to go through all the rights and see which ones spark joy (access to assault weapons) and which ones don’t (uncensored proximity to books, bodily autonomy). Just like they’re doing in Florida! Constitution? Please! If we were all meant to be covered by it, we would have been explicitly included!

Isn’t all this rights nonsense getting in the way of more important things, like the ability of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit to consider exciting hypotheticals not borne out by science: What if a drug that has been proven safe for decades … weren’t? Plus, millions of Americans have been given the gift of learning the name Matthew J. Kacsmaryk, most often used in the sentence, “Wait, Judge Kacsmaryk can undo the FDA approval of a drug used safely by millions for 20-plus years just … because?” It was good that the 5th Circuit did not need to think about the people most impacted by the decision to overturn Food and Drug Administration approval. After all, we’re not really people! If we were supposed to be people, we wouldn’t have uteruses.

Oops oops oops – trouble ahead. You’re not supposed to say aloud that women have uteruses. It makes men who call themselves women very angry, so angry that they threaten to assault you.

“But wait,” you are saying. “What about the enormous stress and pressure that losing access to a safe medication abortion will place on people?” Easy! They are not people, for the purposes of this case. The math works if you remember that women are people only sometimes. All the math works if you remember that only certain folks get to be people all the time.

Ok now she’s really on thin ice.

But then she catches herself, and makes up for it.

It is a mistake to think that harm to the possibly millions of pregnant people nationwide at risk of suddenly losing access to a safe drug commonly used in medication abortion due to a single judge’s whim might be considered when deciding whether to stay the ruling that denied them access to a safe drug commonly used in medication abortion due to a single judge’s whim!

Whew. That was close. Women’s rights, uteruses, women are not people – but she probably caught it in time.

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