You’re a safe space
The person (or identity) who wrote this ridiculous “pronouns” “resource” for the University of Colorado is barely literate as well as dim.
They/zir provides a whole table of how to use pronouns as if students age 17 and above don’t already know how to speak their own language. They/zir then give a lot of absurd patronizing laughable advice.
Try to introduce yourself with your own pronouns so that everyone you meet knows that you’re a safe space and that you won’t assume a person’s pronouns. It also prompts them to provide pronouns without it being awkward. (Ex. “Hello, my name is Alex and I use they/them/theirs pronouns.”)
What if you don’t want everyone you meet to know you’re a safe space? Also if I’m a safe space does that mean the zirs can huddle around me when they’re feeling fragile? How do I opt out of this plan?
You can ask that person, as long as you do so politely (i.e. “Hey, what are your pronouns?”)
That’s politely? I’m not seeing it. Compare: “Hey, what are you doing here?” I get that it depends on the tone and facial expression and so on, but that’s why it’s a really bad example of asking politely. What you want in an example of that is wording that is polite independent of tone and facial expression. “Hey” is definitely a word that can go either way.
There are many terms that are offensive for people that identify as transgender or any other form of gender non-conforming. Some of these would be “it,” “he-she,” etc. Unless given explicit consent from everyone who will hear it, do not ever use any of these words when referring to anyone, as they are incredibly offensive.
You know what else is offensive? Men ordering women to refer to them as women.
Would calling a transgender person by the wrong pronoun (like referring to a trans woman as “he”) be offensive?
If you do it purposefully with malicious intent, absolutely.
If you do it on accident and you meant for the best, no way.
But, if you continue to do it on accident and make no effort to change, then yes, it is offensive.
Nooooooooooo! Not “on accident”!!! BY accident! This is what I’m saying – their resource is not fully literate.
I am not and never will be a “space”, safe or otherwise. Gah.
There is also something disturbingly permanent, and, dare I say it, binary about “you are a safe space”. Safe for whom, under what circumstances, at which times? Or is a “safe space” supposed to be safe for all people always?
It’s also myopic. “I’m a terrible gossip, I won’t hold anything you tell me in confidence, I’m vindictive, I’ll stalk you if you reject me, I’ll monopolize the conversation, I’ll yell at you if you disagree with any of my opinions, but hey, I won’t assume your pronouns, except the second-person ones, so I’m a ‘safe space’, yeah.”
I agree about “hey”; the example question doesn’t seem at all polite to me. “Hey, what’s your name?” from the barista or receptionist doesn’t sound nearly as polite as, perhaps, “May I have your name, please?”.
“On accident” is taking over; it’s just part of the normal drift that all languages go through, in this case probably by analogy with “on purpose”. I first noticed it with our kids (who never learned it from us); I’d say it’s more common now among under-30s than “by accident”. Rage against it, Doña Quixote, but it’s probably a losing battle.
On the other hand, this is so manipulative: “I use they/them/theirs pronouns.” No, that’s not what you mean. You don’t use them, you just want to force other people to use them when they’re referring to you in the third person. Most of the time you won’t even be around to hear how people refer to you, but you still want to police their language.
As for me, I use whatever pronouns seem appropriate for the occasion, given my implicit and explicit knowledge of the patterns of the language I’m speaking.
How dare it call the most inoffensive (and neutral) third person pronoun offensive. How audacious.
It’s all very well to say language drift, but do these young people never read books older than last week? They are students after all, at a university after all.
Also, I failed to point out that right before “on accident” the illiterate resource said “purposefully” when zir meant “purposely” (or, ironically, on purpose).
I see a lot of “on accident” in student papers; I gently correct. Yes, I know, language drift and all, but this isn’t necessarily language drift, it’s people not bothering to learn how people speak.
Every single error of usage these days seems to be termed “language drift”. So what am I supposed to do about a student who writes about the “pavilions of texting”? Assume it means something to the younger generation? No, I finally figured out what she meant when she finally used the word she meant in the last paragraph – prevalence.
Language drift is one thing, but not bothering to learn how words work is another, and a lot of the so-called language drift I see these days seems to be the latter.
My point about “on accident” is that it’s probably a losing battle, and unlike “pavilions of texting”, it doesn’t in any way impede understanding of the intended meaning. And the change is likely based on analogy, which is how quite a lot of language change comes about.