Lake Donaldisaputz

Written by

Ophelia Benson

in

Today in Go ahead sonny but no one will follow your lead:

Trump said Thursday he is renaming Lake Ontario to be known as “Lake America” in the United States as he escalates his trade war with Canada.

The Republican president signed an executive order directing the Interior Department to update the lake’s name in the U.S. geographic naming service. Trump cannot force Canada to follow along, however.

And he can’t force us. He can force some federal institutions, I suppose, until he’s out of there, but he can’t force anyone else. Ontario is a prettier name than America.

Canadian officials dismissed Trump’s move.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney rejected the move, invoking the lake’s Indigenous roots and noting that the name predates both Canadian Confederation and the U.S. Declaration of Independence.

Oh jeez, trust Canada to use an indigenous name, right? Unlike us, with our Mississippi and Missouri and Ohio and Dakotas and Minnesota and – hang on a second, I’m going to need a bigger boat.

Comments

6 responses to “Lake Donaldisaputz”

  1. Julia F. Avatar
    Julia F.

    This morning the Borowitz Report suggested re-naming the reflecting pool Lake Trump. Last night, Jamie Raskin joked that the Washington DMV is calling it the “Street of Warm Ooze.”

  2. Piglet Avatar
    Piglet

    I don’t think anybody except Trump himself is in favour of this. Obviously liberals hate it but conservatives don’t like the names of things changing, or they think it’s a dumb name because that lake borders Canada too, or they don’t want their tax dollars spent on new signage. It’s just so stupid.

  3. Omar Avatar
    Omar

    I learned in primary school that America was named after the Italian explorer Amerigo Vespucci. A quick check with AI added that it “comes from the Latinized feminine version of his first name.”

    FEMININE.!!!!! America is FEMININE.!!!!???????

    Trump must be in one helluva panic. It would be no surprise to me if he issues an edict to change it from what it is to Trumpistan: North Trumpistan and South Trumpistan, from icy meltng pole to icy meltng pole.

  4. John Reed Avatar
    John Reed

    So now instead of HOMES to remember the five lakes, we have SHAME. Seems apt.

  5. iknklast Avatar
    iknklast

    Julia F, I like your renaming suggest, and I agree with John Reed. But I definitely like the title of the post renaming best.

  6. Mike Haubrich Avatar
    Mike Haubrich

    @piglet –

    Here in Minneapolis, conservatives hate that one of our lakes, Calhoun, was renamed to its original “Lake Bde Mka Ska” once residents realized that Calhoun was a slaver and a particularly nasty one at that. Surveyors had named it after a Vice President, not really thinking of the ramifications of honoring a slaving white supremacist. There was a story in the news recently about a body found in the lake, and the commenters seemed to be more concerned that the story reported its current name, rather than as Lake Calhoun. After Trump did his renaming, many saluted it saying “if Liberals can do it to Lake Calhoun than Trump can do it, too.” I suspect that Trump made the change to try to get a rise out of Premier Doug Ford, out of spite that Ford would call him out on the tariffs.

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