This is a few days old but still worth noticing, I think – the ease and alacrity with which some men try to bully women into having sex with people they don’t want to have sex with.
How very dare women be unwilling to “date” (aka have sex with) bisexual people? Women should have no boundaries, no criteria, no preferences, no likes and dislikes, no choice. Women should just say yes and spread their legs, no questions asked. Mister Jones says so.
This poll is revealing, but what it reveals is certainly not that there’s a “problem” with women who won’t date bisexual men. It reveals that the men who admit that they’re willing to have sex with other men aren’t seen as trustworthy partners by women. And I can speak from firsthand experience that women have good reason for those suspicions. Married bisexual men secretly seek sex with other men far more frequently than anyone wants to admit. Honestly, straight people have no idea how much of it is going on.
This much is true: there’s someting amiss when a common trait which, in an ideal world, ought to be be seen as neutral is, in the real world today, seen as undesirable by a significant number of people. Bisexuality is natural and somewhat common-ish. (Exact numbers are hard to pin down, because bisexuality as a concept relies on a matrix of fuzzy variables like social circumstances and degrees of aversion and attraction.) So it’s not a good thing that this cohort among men is seen as undesirable by women. But note that female bisexuality is not seen as a red flag among men. A-ha. There’s the rub. It’s not bisexuality qua bisexuality, is it. The problem revealed is in fact quite complex and hard to solve: it involves the interface between male sexuality and civil society. Thorny stuff. But the problem is certainly not with the women who can sense that it’s there. If anything, they’re ahead of the curve by openly averring to pollsters that they can see it.
This is, in effect, in the same category as the trans issue: put it in with the great slush pile of social problems that plague our species because the human male sex drive is a much more volatile force than society is capable of admitting. That disconnect creates a whole underworld where problems accrue: things like porn, prostitution, trans, sexual assault, fetish, “down low” hookups, et cetera.
Given the bi men I’ve hooked up with on apps ( all “dl”, all “discreet”), I’d say these women who refuse to date known bi men are pretty wise.
“Honestly, straight people have no idea how much of it is going on.”
This.
Had a gay friend about 20 years ago. He occasionally regaled me with tales of hookups. One stuck in my mind – the plumber who came to his house, and engaged in what I shall call “a sex act” WHILE HIS WIFE WAITED OUTSIDE IN THE CAR. She thought he was going a plumbing job, which my friend laughed when he said he kind of was. I could see the potential for humour, but I didn’t think it was funny at all, since all I could think about was that poor woman.
I don’t think any men would argue with the observation that there’s a strong double standard when it comes to sexuality – women can pretty much do as they please (e.g. it’s never been illegal to be gay in the UK… if you’re a woman), but men’s sexuality is heavily circumscribed and judged. But it’s only men, so who cares? See also who historically gets to mine coal, fish for crabs, fight wars and do most other things that are statistically highly likely to kill you or maim you in horrible ways. We know we’re seen as expendable. We mostly don’t complain, because of the advantages we have. But it’s a thing shaping male psychology – how could it not be?
I don’t think any men would argue with the observation that there’s a strong double standard when it comes to sexuality – women can pretty much do as they please
Not really. Yes, women can be lesbian without being arrested. But there is a very powerful double standard when it come to women and men and sex – women are supposed to remain virginal, while men are encouraged to experiment before marriage. Of course, if women aren’t supposed to ‘do it’, and men are, who remains for them to ‘do it’ with? Other men…with whom they are not supposed to ‘do it’.
See also who historically gets to mine coal, fish for crabs, fight wars and do most other things that are statistically highly likely to kill you or maim you in horrible ways. We know we’re seen as expendable. We mostly don’t complain, because of the advantages we have. But it’s a thing shaping male psychology – how could it not be?
Yes, because women have traditionally been prevented from entering those occupations. Women fought long and hard for the right to do a lot of those things, so why are you now insisting that we aren’t present in jobs where I see women working? Traditionally…yes. Currently…well, yes, more than women, but again, a lot of that is because of the double standard on how the sexes are supposed to behave, not because of male expendability.
Women are also expendable. We have babies, and once we are no longer young enough to have babies or to please men, we are considered done. If we should happen to die in childbirth, well, that’s just the breaks, right?
I suspect the expendability is more of a class thing than a sex thing. Those who are not wealthy can be expended to serve the needs and/or desires of the wealthy.
Artymorty: The difference you noted, between straight women-bisexual men and straight men-bisexual women jumped out at me, too. I strongly suspect that’s not all that deep a psychological dive–men dating a bisexual woman are, in all probability, hunting for a unicorn (to-wit, a threesome with a second woman).
Straight women, OTOH, are far less likely to have such fantasies, especially to the degree where they act upon them. So the prospect of a male bisexual partner ultimately offers little to straight women other than the potential for cheating and betrayal.
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