One of these is not like the others.

When Barack Obama visited Windsor Castle in 2016, he and Michelle traveled in a plain black Range Rover, greeted by only a handful of royal guards ahead of a private lunch with Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip. Eight years earlier, his predecessor, George W. Bush, made do with afternoon tea and a quick palace tour. But neither of them valued regalia, resplendence and royal associations quite like Donald Trump.

Because they were aware that there were more important things to focus on, and so they should focus on them. Trump is a child. He is very genuinely a child in his thinking, despite the grown-up hobbies like golf and rape. Only a child or Trump would be damn fool enough to let the world see his babyish glee at being asked to din-dins, and only a child or Trump would think the invitation was some kind of compliment to him as a person and charismatic miracle.

Trump’s two-day agenda begins with a carriage procession through the Windsor Castle estate, escorted by mounted cavalry, as part of a full ceremonial welcome. From the castle’s east lawn, the first couple will witness a flyover by the Royal Air Force’s aerobatic team, the Red Arrows, and a military ceremony known as a “beating retreat” — neither of which has ever been deployed during a state visit before. 

There it is again. They know they have a child on their hands, and they act accordingly. “Oooh look Donnie, the planes go RRROWRRRR, isn’t it exciting?”

This combination of old-world luxury and military posturing is bound to please the president, especially if his recent Washington DC military parade and goldification of the Oval Office (which is now embellished with numerous gilded ornaments) are anything to go by. 

Which, of course, they are, because why would they not be? Infantile man does infantile thing, which broadly hints that he is in fact infantile.