10 times a day
Growing up in India, I learned that thank yous are only for distant strangers, and that close friends and family get offended if you thank them. I would say thank you to a speaker delivering a formal talk but never to a friend helping during a crisis or a family member making me dinner. But living in the UK for two decades has forced me to adopt our incessant “thank you” culture. I now find myself saying thank you at least 10 times a day and sometimes many more. Nevertheless, there are some British “thank yous” that I would ban completely, if I could.
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Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that we shouldn’t thank those who help us. The problem is that we thank too many people, often mindlessly, and innumerable times a day. Thank you, shop assistant (whose job it is to help you shop). Thank you, bus driver (who is getting paid to drive the bus). Thank you, cafe owner (whom you are paying for the food you have ordered). By what feels like the hundredth thank you of the day, the words lose their very essence.
That’s disgusting.
Of course shop assistants and bus drivers are paid; that is not a reason to withhold thanks! If anything it’s all the more reason to say thank you: to make it a human exchange as opposed to putting coins in a vending machine.
I had thought it was a Seattle thing to thank the bus driver; I’m pleased to learn it’s not. Driving a bus is hard work, and the drivers should get appreciation. They have to heave the bus around all those obstacles, and do it to schedule, and deal with people, some of whom are rude or angry or mentally ill or drunk or drugged. Yes of course we should say thank you when we hop off.
If you google “cheers drive” you get told it’s a Bristolian thing, but it’s also definitely a Cardiff / Wales thing too:)
One time I had a job in Brazil. At lunch at the home of my rich client I thanked the nameless domestic who served us, even if it was Not the Done Thing. I am genuinely grateful to anyone who feeds me!
I also thank service people; they are doing hard jobs and not being paid well. What bugs me is the mindless, reflexive, constant ‘thank you for your service’ any time a person encounters a veteran. I was getting it when calling the various places I had to deal with on my father’s estate. He was a veteran, and some would thank me for his service! Even the damn automated voices did it, though usually they thanked me for my service. I am not a vet.
I have been adopting an occasional ‘thank you for your service’ to those who serve me, and not by getting me (or indirectly me) into some expensive, bloody foreign war.
People who serve us deserve our thanks. They have to deal with some of the most difficult people in the world (possibly the author of the article, for all I know).
Thanking bus drivers is a Boston thing as well.
Yay Boston!
It’s certainly an Edinburgh thing to thank the bus driver.
You used to always get on and off at the front, near the driver. Now some buses have exit doors, and you have to shout it to the driver.
Also a waiter, shop assistant and driver know the difference between the automatic civil thank you, and the kind of thank you you give to someone who has given you their seat, or has picked something that you’ve dropped.
Oh yes, I generally have to shout it from the back because people are getting on via the front door. Double buses have a third door, WAY back, from which you have to bellow it. There’s also the option of the static wave instead of the shout – I opt for that a lot.
I think maybe it boils down to not liking to treat the driver as a machine.