Author: Ophelia Benson

  • Trevor-Roper Wrote a Good Letter

    The Observer is skewered as ‘that declining organ of Germanic Wykehamist apocalyptic socialism.’

  • Meet the Deity

    Anna was standing on a high bluff admiring the sunset – a particularly spectacular one full of gilded clouds – thinking blissfully of God and gratitude and the beauty of the world, when suddenly the sun seemed to swell and pulse, the sky turned every shade of purple and silver, there was ethereal music, and then an angel appeared next to her. “Beloved servant,” remarked the angel pleasantly, “for that thou art our dedicated and humble servant, and the first woman minister of thy parish, we have chosen thee to have an audience with the deity.”

    Anna stared, coloured; the earth seemed to tilt and rock all around her; she planted her feet wide apart and hoped not to fall over. “Uh,” she said haltingly, “uh,” she said stupidly, “I am not worthy.” “You don’t get to decide that,” the angel said snappily, making Anna think of Ethel and Mr Salteena and have to suppress a snort of laughter.

    “Come on – chop chop.” Anna gaped. “What – now?” “Yes, now,” the angel said crossly, “when did you think, next Tuesday? Get a move on.” “But – I’m not ready, I’m not prepared, I haven’t thought, I don’t know what to say, I haven’t prayed – ” “Look, stupid, this is the deity you’re meeting, not some bishop or CEO or city official – it’s not like you’re going to be able to talk on his level, is it. It’s like an ant trying to “prepare” to have a chat with Einstein. Don’t bother, because it wouldn’t make any difference. And the deity doesn’t like to make plans in advance, or to wait around for dithering humans, so come on.”

    “You said his,” she said mournfully, “it’s a man then?” “Oh, no, not really,” the angel said breezily, “we just like to say that to women because it annoys them.” The angel cackled. “I’m not dressed for it,” Anna said; the angel rolled its eyes and made a gesture, and Anna found herself in a bear costume. “Hey!” she said. “It’s too hot, I can’t see, I can’t breathe – it smells bad, too.” “Oh, sorry,” the angel said witheringly, and Anna found herself in a purple and gold brocaded robe. “That better?” “Yes, thank – ” The angel made another gesture and Anna found herself back in her jeans and sweatshirt, but they were dirtier than they’d been before. “Come on,” the angel barked. “You keep saying come on,” Anna said, feeling like Alice, “but how do I come on?” “Move your butt,” was the transcendent reply.

    Anna took a step, and found herself in what looked like a basketball court with a few chairs in it. “There you go,” said the angel, and walked off. A guy with a buzz cut in jeans and a sweatshirt with a logo on it approached her. “How ya doin’?” he said, not sounding as if he wanted to know. “Hello,” Anna said self-consciously, “are you – ” “We didn’t drag you here to meet the staff,” he said, and sniggered. “You are a man,” she said. “Not necessarily.” He twirled his hand mockingly in the air over his head, and Anna was confronted by a woman who looked exactly like Ann Coulter. “That better?” “Uh – ” Another twirl, and Buzzcut was back. “Nice outfit,” he said. “Well,” she began, “I wanted to – ” “I know, I know. I liked the bear costume.” He gave a loud bark of laughter and Anna, to her amazement, felt a strong desire to slap him. “Siddown,” he said, flopping himself into a chair. He looked at her appraisingly. “So. You’re pretty old, aren’t you.” Anna recoiled. “Excuse me?” “Old. You’re old. Those lines around your mouth – not attractive.” “Well whose fault is that?” she said hotly. His eyebrows shot up and he gave a huge mocking grin. “Mine?” he said innocently. “Well not mine!” Anna retorted. “I didn’t decide to get lines in my face. They just showed up.” “Like gravy,” he said absently. “Yeah, I know – I’m just saying. They’re not flattering.” “Well I’m sorry if I’m repelling you,” Anna began furiously. “Oh that’s okay,” he said. “I know you can’t help it. You should have stuck with the bear thing though.” He gave another shout of laughter.

    “You’re not all that attractive yourself,” Anna said through clenched teeth. “Oh, I know,” he said, “but I don’t have to be. It doesn’t matter what I’m like. People worship me anyway. Like you.” Anna stared at him, digesting this. “I can be beautiful if I feel like it,” he added; he brushed his hand over the top of his head and turned into what looked like a male model in a Calvin Klein ad, then into Greta Garbo, then Harrison Ford, then Julia Roberts, then Buzzcut again. “I like this look though,” he said, “and I get to please myself.” He smirked at her cheerfully.

    There was a long pause. “Well,” Anna croaked. She cleared her throat and began again. “Well, that must be very nice for you.”

    “Oh, it is,” he said. “It’s ideal. I can do whatever I want to. The unmoved mover.” He gave another bark of laughter.

    “That sounds like a rather childish ‘ideal,’” she said, “just doing whatever you want to.”

    “Oh, no,” he said, “not at all. Because I’m the one who’s doing it, you see. I’m the deity, so by definition, if I’m doing it, it can’t be childish, it’s divine, omniscient, perfect, all that good stuff.”

    “Is – ” Anna’s throat closed. She took a breath. “Is all this a joke to you?”

    “Oh, yeah, pretty much.”

    “Well…it’s not to us.”

    “No, I know.”

    She stared. “Don’t you care?”

    “Not really. I’m not much good at caring. Not one of my skills.”

    “N – not?”

    “No.”

    “So why do we bother praying to you when we’re ill, or when our children or friends are ill, or we’re frightened or lonely or sad, or there’s an earthquake or a hurricane?”

    “Because you’re labouring under a misapprehension, I assume. You think I do care, so you tell me your stuff. And it usually makes you feel better doesn’t it? So no harm done; everybody’s happy. I don’t listen, and you feel better – no problem.”

    “I – all this time, that was the one thing I thought I knew: that you cared. That even if you couldn’t help, or wouldn’t, for whatever good theological reason – because it would upset free will, or causality, or the cosmic order, or something – that you cared. That you cared passionately – that your heart bled for us. That every sorrow of ours was a sorrow of yours. Every grief, every loss, every bereavement, was sorrowful to you. That’s what I’ve always told my parishioners.”

    “Thanks a lot,” he said. “There are six and a half billion of you now? And I’m supposed to feel all the pain that every single one of you feels? Well that would be a fun job. I don’t think so. Do you notice how much nicer I am than you are? I only make humans suffer their own pain: you want me to suffer that times 6.5 billion! Very generous, very kind. No, it’s a sweet thought, but I’ll pass, thanks.”

    “But…”

    “But what?”

    “But you made the whole thing, we didn’t.”

    “So? So I made it, that doesn’t mean I have to feel its pain. You make dinner every night: do you feel its pain while you eat it?” He cackled.

    Anna felt herself flushing. “You’re very obnoxious!” she blurted.

    “I know. Everyone always tells me.”

    “Well if everyone tells you, why don’t you stop?”

    He made his eyes very round. “I told you. Why should I? People worship me anyway. And it’s fun being obnoxious – really, really fun. I love it. I’m having a really good time right now.”

    Her eyes filled. “Because you’re infuriating me and disillusioning me.”

    “Of course. Fun! I know you’re just itching to slap me right across the face, but you can’t very well, being as how I’m the deity and all. I might hit you with my purse.” He cackled again. “I get to say any old thing I want to, and you just have to sit there and fume. You think that’s not fun?” He shook his head. “Wrong.”

    “You’re worse than obnoxious then,” she said in wonder. “You’re mean. You’re cruel.”

    “Oh yeah? And what are you? Who made you the morality cop? Morality comes from God, remember? That’s me – so obviously whatever I do is good, by definition. Cruelty isn’t good – is it? So I can’t be cruel. Or else cruelty is good. It’s one of those.”

    “But you just said you’ve been having fun making me feel miserable. That can’t be good.”

    “It can if I say it can. I decide this stuff, not you, don’t you remember?”

    “But if this is what you’re like, then…” She trailed off, uncertain.

    “Then what? Then you get to decide instead of me?” He grinned sharkishly at her. “You’re very self-righteous, aren’t you. Very pleased with yourself. You feel very superior, don’t you. You know what’s good and bad, and you’ll lay down the law to anyone, including The Lawgiver himself. Why do you think you’re superior?”

    “I don’t,” she said angrily.

    “Ah, ah – temper. Superior people don’t lose their tempers.”

    “I’m not superior. I don’t feel superior. Especially not right now. I feel like a complete fool.”

    He nodded sagely. “Buyer’s remorse.”

    “I’ll have to re-train now,” she said absently.

    “I’d recommend IT, except you’re so old.”

    “No,” she said acidly, “I think I’ll take up Satanism.”

    He laughed. “A bit superfluous, I think.”

    “So…you’re really not good in any way? Not what we humans think of as good at least.”

    “Not as far as I can tell. I’m not that bad, I would say – but I do what pleases me, not what pleases you guys.”

    “I can’t seem to take it in…”

    “Well what I don’t get is, why’d you ever think anything else? What else would I be? Did you just never look at the world around you, or what?”

    She blinked rapidly, trying to drive the tears back. “I thought you had your reasons. You know…your inscrutable will…”

    He sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know. That’s what everyone says. It just sounds like a formula, to me. They don’t like what they see when they look at the world, so they write up this label, “God’s Inscrutable Purpose” and slap it on there and figure that takes care of it. But it’s just a label. There’s nothing behind it.”

    “You’re not trying to make us stronger, or braver, or more compassionate, or something like that?”

    He made big eyes at her again. “No. Nothing like that. I don’t care whether you guys are braver or more compassionate or not. I really don’t – I’m just not interested. But you keep thinking I do. You’re a weird bunch of animals, you know. You can ignore anything, no matter how obvious it is.”

    “You’re not much like George Burns,” Anna said inanely.

    “Well you’re not much like John Denver. So it goes.” He stood up. “Well, this has been fun, but I have to go work out now. Moonbeam here will show you out.”

    The angel indeed was indeed beckoning to her from the door. “Nice meeting you,” Anna said, like a fool, as she turned to go.

    “Vaya con dios,” he called, with a final bray of mocking laughter.

  • Sunny Hundal on Identity Games

    The Hindu Council UK decided to lob their own grenade in the identity politics debate last week.

  • What it Takes to Teach Literature at University

    A decade or more of immersion in a highly politicized and anti-literary academic culture.

  • Interview With Katha Pollitt

    So, what about that stupid Wonkette review? Well, it was stupid.

  • ‘Hadiths are serious stuff’

    This is a piece of really very good news. The author says it hasn’t had much attention in the West – or elsewhere either. So let’s pay attention.

    In a bold but little-noticed step toward reforming Islamic tradition, Turkey’s religious authorities recently declared that they will remove these statements [such as “If a husband’s body is covered with pus and his wife licks it clean, she still wouldn’t have paid her dues.” – OB] , and more like them, from the hadiths – the non-Koranic commentary on the words and deeds of the prophet Muhammad…Hadiths are serious stuff. More than 90 percent of the sharia (Islamic law) is based on them rather than the Koran, and the most infamous measures of the sharia – the killing of apostates, the seclusion of women, the ban on fine arts, the stoning of adulterers and many other violent punishments for sinful behavior – come from the hadiths and the commentaries built upon them. Eliminating these misogynistic statements from the hadiths is a direct challenge to some of the most controversial aspects of Islamic tradition.

    The most controversial and the most life-ruining and misery-producing. What a tremendous step toward the improvement of the lives of millions of people, especially women, it would be if all religious authorities removed such hadiths. Let’s earnestly wish them every success.

    The media and intellectuals of Ankara and Istanbul largely welcomed last month’s decision, which the Turkish government supported…Yet, despite the rhetoric about the need to make alliances with progressive Islam in the midst of the fight against terrorism, Turkey’s move toward reform has been widely overlooked in the West, and there has been little acknowledgment of it in other Muslim countries.

    I wonder if the BBC has asked the MCB what it thinks about it yet.

    “I can’t imagine a prophet who bullies women,” said Hidayet Tuksal, a feminist theologian in Ankara. “The hadiths that portray him so should be abandoned.” Similarly, in proposing to create its new standard collection, the Turkish Diyanet intends to look beyond the chain of transmitters to logic, consistency and common sense. In many ways, this is a revival of an early debate in Islamic jurisprudence between rival camps known as the adherents of the hadiths and the adherents of reason – a debate that ended with the triumph of the former.

    Go, adherents of reason. Sayings from the 9th century that can’t be second-guessed in the light of reason are not the kind of thing that ought to triumph.

  • No Continuum Between Science and Non-science

    You can’t practice methodological naturalism 99% of the time and still claim to be a scientist.

  • Kent Hovind Busted on Federal Charges

    Dr. Dino claims he is employed by God, receives no income, has no expenses and owns no property.

  • Jeremy Waldron on Incoherent Ideas of Free Speech

    Nazis can disrupt the streets of Skokie, but those who disrupt Rumsfeld’s message will be dragged away.

  • Shelley’s Mishap at Oxford

    Poet writes atheist pamphlet shock.

  • ‘Women are [not] Imperfect in Intellect and Religion’

    Turkey’s religious authorities declare they will remove sexist statements from the hadiths.

  • An Analogy That Isn’t

    Here’s something I don’t get. Or maybe I do get it and just think it’s silly. One of those. It’s from an article by Michael Ruse in Robert Pennock’s collection Intelligent Design Creationism and its Critics, “Methodological Naturalism under Attack,” page 365. Ruse is making the distinction (which featured heavily in the Kitzmiller trial) between metaphysical naturalism and methodological naturalism; he’s making the distinction and explaining it and arguing for it.

    This is not to say that God did not have a role in the creation, but simply that, qua science, that is qua an enterprise formed through the practice of methodological naturalism, science has no place for talk of God. Just as, for instance, if one were to go to the doctor one would not expect any advice on political matters, so if one goes to a scientist one does not expect any advice on or reference to theological matters.

    Just as? Just as? I think not. Not just as at all, I would say. Because claims about God are claims that God is real and really exists. They may (or may not) be metaphysical claims, but they are pretty much always truth-claims about God; the claims may include the stipulation that God is supernatural, outside time and space, but since they mostly also include claims about the way God creates or acts on this world, that stipulation seems a tad half-hearted. Especially when it comes to fans of ID, which is Ruse’s subject matter. The whole point of the ID God is that it designed the universe and the earth and wonderful us. So – that means the doctor analogy is an absurd analogy. It is not the case that science is to theology as medicine is to politics. Theology is about is, politics is about ought. You can always define God (and hence theology) as supernatural and metaphysical but in that case no one has anything to say about it, including theologians – it is by definition out of reach and unknowable. But if it is within reach and knowable, then it’s accessible to anyone who looks. Theologians don’t get special technical training that enables them to find God (how to use a special kind of microscope perhaps, or a special microtelescope), they don’t learn research methods and equipment-use that no one else knows, nor do they learn magic tricks. So it’s just bizarre to say that scientists have nothing to say about God while at the same time pretending that other people do have something to say about God. That involves pretending there is some kind of expertise or special knowledge that scientists don’t have. There is no such expertise or knowledge. That box is empty.

    The physician may indeed have very strong political views, which one may or may not share. But the politics are irrelevant to the medicine. Similarly, the scientist may or may not have very strong theological views, which one may or may not share. But inasmuch as one is going to the scientist for science, theology can and must be ruled out as irrelevant.

    But how can it be irrelevant unless the theology in question concerns something that is wholly outside the natural world and thus inaccessible to human investigation altogether? How? They want to have it both ways; that’s the problem. They want to say that God and theology are in this special magical category that is completely different from science and that science therefore has nothing to say about, while at the same time saying that they are perfectly entitled to lay down the law about God and theology. Well I do not see how it can be both! And I think the idea that it can be both rests on some kind of weird hocus-pocus about what theology is. Either that or it just rests on plain old rhetoric. Or, the original suggestion, that I just don’t get it. Okay let’s assume that I just don’t get it. Somebody explain it to me.

  • Atheists in America

    Sometimes I think I should keep a suitcase packed at all times, ready to grab when I hear the sirens approaching.

    Penny Edgell, Doug Hartmann and I published a paper in the American Sociological Review called “Atheists As ‘Other’: Moral Boundaries and Cultural Membership in American Society.” In a national survey, part of a broader project on multiculturalism and solidarity in American life that we call the American Mosaic Project, we found that one group stood out from all others in terms of the level of rejection they received from the general public. That was atheists. And not by a small margin, either.

    That’s not in the least a surprise, but it’s a useful sharpening.

    How does such a small group pose such a threat to a large majority? The more we explored this finding, the more we came back to a simple answer for it. Like it or not, many (possibly most) Americans see religion as a marker of morality. To many Americans, “Atheists” are people who lack any basis for moral commitment.

    I’m not sure that is the main answer though – although it’s presumptuous to say that since they did the research and I didn’t. But still…I don’t think that accounts for the gut hostility as well as other reasons do. One, people who think god is real and really exists take atheism as personally wounding, hurtful, insulting, to god even more to themselves. I think – it’s a hunch, but it’s also based on conversations and what theists say – it’s a feeling rooted in loyalty, and love. An admirable feeling, actually, but unfortunate because directed at an imagined being; unfortunate because the source of hostility towards existing people for the sake of an imagined one. Two, atheism is threatening to theism, because of course theists suspect that their reasons for believing in the god they believe in are vulnerable. Three, given this threat, this suspicion and vulnerability, theists suspect that atheists think theists are deluded. This suspicion opens the door for all sorts of class, hierarchical, populist, anti-‘elitist’ tensions and worries. In short, theists think atheists think theists are stupid, and (naturally) it pisses them off. I think all those bite deeper than the idea that atheists have no reason to be moral. I don’t have the research; that’s just a sort of hermeneutic or interpretive guess. Why do I think it? I suppose because I think the morality explanation doesn’t have the kind of emotional kick that the others do. I certainly think it matters, but I don’t think it’s the kind of thing that makes the lower lip tremble or the blood boil, whereas the others are.

  • Sarfraz Manzoor on ‘Faith Schools’

    ‘How do we avoid, in Trevor Phillips’s phrase, sleepwalking into segregation?’

  • Nick Cohen on the Selling of Honours

    Honours Act says you can’t buy them, you can’t sell them and if you do either you can go to prison.

  • Prayers Save People From Death

    There was this guy who was very ill, see, and people prayed for him, and he didn’t die. So.

  • It’s ‘Crop Circle Season’

    Victoria Coren on alien holiday planning; James Randi comments.

  • Atheists as ‘Other’

    ‘Atheists’ serves as catch-all word for ‘bad people.’

  • Wonkette, Phooey

    Okay, what’s the deal here? I thought Ana Marie Cox was supposed to be so clever, or witty or interesting or something – ? Isn’t she? I thought she was. I’ve never read or even glanced at Wonkette, because life is short and time is scarce and blogs are many and the subject matter – beltway gossip? Urrgghh – is so very unappealing; but I’ve gathered (how? I don’t know – as one does) that she’s good in some way. But clearly there has been some mistake. That “book review” is a piece of crap; it’s stupid and smug and truly staggeringly predictable. So if that’s Wonkette, I’m glad I’ve never wasted so much as a nanosecond on it.

    Strident feminism can seem out of place – even tacky – in a world where women have come so demonstrably far. With Katie Couric at the anchor desk, Condoleezza Rice leading the State Department and Hillary Clinton aiming for the top of the ticket, many of the young, educated and otherwise liberal women who might, in another era, have found themselves burning bras and raising their consciousness would rather be fitted for the right bra (like on “Oprah”) and raising their credit limit.

    Oh right. Of course. How stupid of us not to think of it. Because Hillary Clinton married the right guy and there’s – gasp! – one woman reading the news on tv, therefore feminism has nothing further to say, and if it says it it’s (oh christalmighty) “strident”. That’s the kind of thing that makes grizzled old feminists like me (and Pollitt, I daresay) want to send smug smirking young postfeminists off to – where, exactly? Let’s see. How about northern Nigeria. Or southern Afghanistan. Or Iran. Or Egypt. Or rural India, or China, or Congo. Sound good, Wonkette? Sound like a fun way to find out how far women have come? Hmmm?

    Her new collection of essays, “Virginity or Death!,” culled from her columns for The Nation over the past five years, shows her to be stubbornly unapologetic in championing access to abortion and fixated on the depressingly slow evolution of women’s rights in the Middle East. In the midst of our celebration of Katie’s last day, Pollitt is the one who would drown out the clinking of cosmo glasses with a loud condemnation of the surgery available to those women who would sacrifice their little toes the better to fit their Jimmy Choos.

    Fuck. I can’t even read any more. That’s only the first paragraph, and it’s some of the stupidest shit I’ve seen in a long time. And it’s in the New York Times, which still keeps insisting it’s a good newspaper! What is their problem? Why do they publish insulting garbage like that? Are they trying to show that they’re “hip” or not some bunch of latte-swigging elitists or what?

    Okay, sorry, beg pardon. It’s the feminist in me – do excuse me, I mean the “strident” feminist – again. I’m sure I’ve told you, probably more than once, about seeing a panel of feminists – Pollitt was one – at the Los Angeles Book Fair a few years ago, on C-Span, and seeing a glam young French woman stand up and ask the panel why they were all so angry. They were all, to a woman, absolutely dumbfounded, and I was scarred for life. Seriously – Wonkette needs to learn about something beyond D.C. gossip. She also needs to learn to write better. A lot better.