Guest post: Tell them they will be okay
Originally a comment by Arcadia on Rated inadequate.
I get why it’s hard to suddenly come up with a large number of trained specialists to deal with a condition growing patient numbers by over 1000%, not to mention that apparently there is no specific training to deal with this, but more experimental guesswork and common or accepted practice.
What I don’t get is the implication that features in all these articles that, if the distressed child can’t get the appointment with the so-called specialists, that nothing else can or should be done.
If I needed a hip replacement, and couldn’t get an available surgeon, I think I’m better off waiting, even in pain, rather than turning to a dentist to either attempt the surgery or prescribe medication to help me.
But attempting to ease the distress of confused children is not an exclusive specialist skill that only gender clinicians have. It’s what counsellors, child psychologists and psychiatrists and support groups do. Heck, it’s what teachers, social workers and parents do.
Telling a child that their body won’t limit their presentation choices, mannerisms, career options or hobbies. That it is impossible to be born in the wrong body – their body is perfect and functioning exactly as it should. That lots of people hate their bodies for lots of reasons but that hatred can be overcome. That puberty is not only normal and natural, it is essential for growing children into adults. That “being who you are” is what you’re already doing – having surgery and artificial hormones would be the opposite. Ground them in reality with what cannot change, and that is biological sex. Tell them they can rely on that. Tell them they can also rely on the support and love of their family.
So get those kids some counsellors and advise their families and schools on how to be actually supportive, and that means affirming that yes, I can see you feel bad, but you will be okay. Not “affirming” that the child can become the opposite sex (or no sex) if they want.
Arcadia, your penultimate paragraph is perfect. Consider it stolen. :-)
Roj, you’re welcome.
I’m honestly so startled and flattered to have been elevated to a Butterflies and Wheels guest post that I doubt I can top it today, and should probably just retire to bed with a good book. Thank you.
Talk eloquent good sense and it’s likely to happen!
This is one of the kindest as well as most rational summaries I have read, Arcadia. Thanks for this!
This reminds me of a very big campaign, a few years ago, by the Trevor Project, addressing suicide among gay and lesbian youth. The theme was, “It gets better,” and it features some well-known adult gay men and lesbians, as well as other celebrity supporters. I distinctly remember Tim Gunn, the fashion designer and coach on the Project Runway shows. You could just tell that he was speaking from experience; bullying, taunting, and worse; no doubt suicidal ideation. And he had grown up in a less tolerant time than the kids to whom he was speaking. It was kind, and touching, and sincere.
The Trevor Project could address a similar message to young people now, with body, or gender dysphoria, or who are having a hard time with sexuality or any number of other issues. I think suicidality is quite common in young people, and they could use messages not to give up at this point, because it really does get better.
Now, however, the Trevor Project is a wholly owned subsidiary of Transylvania, pushing the drug and mutilation program, coupled with strong reinforcement of suicide as the consequence of not getting medicated and carved up.
maddog – yes. I’ve mentioned that a few times, I think. I’m a big fan of the It Gets Better project, not least because I think it applies to more or less everyone. The teenage years just are difficult and often confusing, and growing out of them generally does make it get better. The insistence by the trans ideologues that feelings in adolescence are absolute and final is one of the worst things about it.