It’s being a tragic day. Let’s play a popular game I just invented called Fantasy Headlines.
Trump Dragged Away Screaming by Federal Marshalls
Trump Extradited to ICC for Crimes Against Humanity
Trump Convicted on Multiple Counts of Fraud, Corruption, Perjury, Witness Tampering
Sentenced to 375 years
Rape Victim Wins Case Against Trump
Awarded 7 billion dollars in damages, vows to share with Trump’s other victims
Trump’s Hair Sculpture Blown Off in Sudden Unexpected Gale
Trump Addresses Rally in Omaha
Crowd laughs, heckles, throws popcorn
Trump Found to Owe the US Public 3 Trillion Dollars
Judge draws up payment plan
Trump Tower on the market for 600k
Mar-a-Lago Alligator Attacks Trump
Nothing left but the red baseball cap
Comments
14 responses to “Imagine”
And in real headlines:
No bidders offer to buy Trump-branded tower in Toronto
Toronto Trump Tower Sold To Creditor Amid Lawsuits
Finally this week:
Trump Tower Toronto to stop using Trump name and property
Thank Dog that eyesore’s gone!
Man wakes from coma, recounts horrific nightmare of Brexit and President Trump.
Relieved to find world relatively normal after all.
Trump revealed to be android programmed by Vladimir Putin; secret service shuts off power.
Shark-Tapes discovered! Trump found sodomizing the rotting corpse of a shark. World takes ten decades to recover.
Wait…. this Trump guy is *real*?
“President Apprentice” Cancelled, after Confusing Media Reports Lead People to Mistake It for Reality
In other news, Macron has invited the Donald to the military parade for Bastille Day, officially to mark the centenary of America’s entry in WW1.
This will be hilarious. This thing last for hours and knowing your President’s short attention span…
Maybe they can spend the whole time shaking hands…
Eggy Trump
Its estimated that 10,000 eggs were thrown at President Trump on his visit Manchester, some by his own security detachment. One local man who spoke on condition we printed his picture and full name and address, said, “I’ve been saving them up since the original invite, so some were a good few years old”
@davidslackermc:
You are definitely winning so far. The entirely fictional protagonist is already my hero.
Melania Wins Record-Breaking Settlement and Full Custody in Divorce Court
Judge Curiel cited “disgusting, inapproriate touching” in ruling that hands over most of the Trump fortune and custody of all children, including the adults.
Melania Knauss Wakes From Horrible Nightmare
“I’m free!”
Trump Abandoned by Business Partners
Rats flee a sinking ship: business partners abandon the remainder of the Trump conglomerate in droves. “He didn’t know what he was doing anyway” said one, “we basically did all the work.”
Trump denied Presidential Pension
Described as a ‘belated attack of conscience,’ Congress passes the Sanctity of Office act, which denies all remuneration and benefits to any president removed from office on criminal grounds. Oh and then then Trump was removed on exactly those grounds. And then all Republicans resigned.
Hello Darkness My Old Friend: Trump’s 5th Bankruptcy
After losing business empire and “big league” assets to divorce and sexual assault settlements, former billionaire now has no option but to live in one of the slums he used to own.
^ What a nice daydream that was, I quite lost track of time. An alternate headline for the last one:
Goodbye Taco Bowls, Hello Snappy Tom Sardines With Chicken: Trump’s 5th Bankruptcy
Holms, how about :
A Raw Deal?
Trump cannot afford the gas to cook his steak properly.
PRESIDENT VANISHES FROM LOCKED ROOM
“May have finally disappeared up his own ass” says White House source.