Guest post: That’s not just stereotypical male behaviour
Originally a comment by Bruce Gorton on “Cis lesbians…aren’t always into that”.
I have never encountered a CIS woman who thought she was entitled to sex. I have never read an article by a CIS woman who thought that having a vagina meant that lesbians should be attracted to her, nor have I seen any articles by women claiming that having a vagina means that men should automatically find her attractive.
You know who does think that there is some magical formula which obliges women to have to have sex with them? Douchebags.
Common, garden variety and very male douchebags, who women can’t leave alone with their drink.
It doesn’t matter why someone doesn’t want to date you, it doesn’t matter what you feel about them, if they don’t consent they don’t fucking consent, and trying to pressure them into it? That’s not just stereotypical male behaviour, that’s stereotypical fucking rapist.
Related: No one has to fuck anyone. If you don’t want to fuck a balck woman because racism? So what? It’s called consent assholes…
@Blood Knight #1
This. Exactly this. Sexual attraction is something that is not (entirely) under our control. Our sexual schemata seem to be set at a very early age – it is entirely possible, on a completely subjective level, to feel no personal attraction for certain physical characteristics. It might be skin colour or hair colour, it might be body type and/or size, it might be a bald head, or large/small breasts, and so on and so on.
And so what? The world’s a big place with lots of people in it. There’s someone out there (likely many someones) who will fit each of our own schemata. There’s someone out there (likely many someones) for whose schemata we are fitted. OK, it’s easier for some of than others – the conventionally attractive do have a natural advantage – but I know plenty of fat people (including myself, here) who have (and have had) active, fulfilling sex lives, and happy relationships. The same goes for people whom I find exceptionally unattractive. Even deeply unpleasant people seem t find sexual and/or romantic partners.
So, if there’s a group of people who do not find me – or us – attractive (we do not fit their schemata), the only sensible, courteous and dignified thing to do is to move on to someone who does find us attractive. Not to bitch and moan about how unfair it is, and after all, why should women be able to exercise choice in that way? And here we circle round to the complaints of those total shitweasels, the Incels.
It’s surprising (or not…) how close the dialogue from extreme end of transactivism resembles the crap spouted by the MRAs and similar disaffected male groups. Funny that.
And, hell yes, not wanting to sleep with one group, lets continue with black females as our example, is emphatically not racism. Not as long as we keep our mouths shut about it most of the time. After all, the rest of the world does not want or need to hear about our personal sexual preferences. Once we’re spouting off, in the pub or, god help us, the workplace, about how unfuckable group X, then we’ve tipped over into racism.
And we need to understand there is a fundamental difference between “I am not attracted to this person because of trait X,” and “People with trait X are objectively unattractive.”
Steamshovelmama, absolutely. For instance, I dislike beards. Especially shaggy beards. I only ever dated clean shaven men. I like a man who can talk about certain things intelligently, like science/history/philosophy/arts. So I don’t tend to date those men who only like football, Nascar, and shooting ranges. So it is highly unlikely I would ever be interested in any of the men from Duck Dynasty (for instance). Add in the fact that I am not attracted to rednecks? Sorry, Duck guys, you’ll have to look somewhere else. Funny how most people wouldn’t have a problem with it if I say I am not attracted to the Duck Dynasty guys. If I say I am not attracted to Ellen Degeneres, or any other woman, also fine. But what about if I am not attracted to a transman because I am heterosexual, and they have the body of a woman? Uh oh.
The whole argument about you have to be willing to have sex with me or you are transphobic amounts to nothing less than endorsing the idea that women do not have the right to choose. In this case, it’s almost always lesbian women who don’t have the right to choose, because I’m not hearing anyone screaming about the fact that heterosexual women don’t find transmen attractive, and I haven’t heard a lot of screaming about how gay men should be oh so willing to have sex with transmen.
It really is all about men, isn’t it? In this case, they try to hide the male entitlement by claiming to be women, but it is still good old fashioned male entitlement. Look at me. Take care of me. Think about me. Validate me (and yes, that is a right that males have claimed forever, just usually more without having to scream about it. They expected their wives to validate them in many ways. I know; my ex needed a lot of validation. Now we are just getting more of that from people who want to be validated as women).
#1
True, but you’ll be denigrated as transphobic all the same.
And some of the most vile instances of racism involve white men wanting to have sex with (that is, rape and sexually enslave) black women.