Sorry, we’re closed

Ok stop right there, three seconds in. “I pride myself on being a teacher who’s very open about her life.”


Do not pride yourself on that. Be ashamed; very ashamed.

Your job is to teach, not to blather about yourself. Calling it “being open about your life” is just your way of trying to make grotesque vanity and self-absorption sound somehow admirable. Nobody on the planet needs you to be open about your life, and children you’re supposed to be teaching need that the least of anyone.

God I hate narcissism, especially narcissism that brags about itself. “Sit down, I’m very open about my life, so I plan to tell you all about it for the next 5 hours.” Fuck all the way off.

The next 3 seconds are even worse.

“And one of the things I’m very open about is my sexuality.”

NO no no no no no. Bad dog, leave it. Don’t be open, be closed, and be closed like Fort Knox wrapped in chains about your sexuality. Your students don’t need to know and neither does anyone else. Narcissism and self-obsession are bad, don’t you get that? Times ten in a teacher of all things.

God above. I’m trying to imagine any of my teachers “being open about their sexuality.” There aren’t enough cringes in the world.

Don’t get me started on the stupid distracting swords in the ears and baubles in the septum.

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