I think the BBC is telling a whopper here.
A teenage boy who was sexually assaulted by two women woke up with his clothes removed and injuries to his head and body, Sussex Police have said. The 15-year-old was walking along Cants Lane in Burgess Hill before heading through a wooded area towards World’s End at about 18:15 BST on 4 June. He was assaulted and woke up on the floor, police said.
The floor? The forested area has a floor? Ffs Beeb, you’re not teenagers. He woke up on the ground.
But more to the point – I don’t believe you. Women don’t sexually assault teenage boys. Why would they? What would be the payoff?
Both women were between 18 and 20 years old, one being 6ft 3in (1.9m) tall and with bright dyed red hair.
A 6ft 3in woman sexually assaulting a boy in a wooded area? Nope, I don’t believe you.
Comments
18 responses to “In things that never happened…”
Other possibilities do come to mind.
@Omar: yeah, indeed.
@OB: agreed.
FFS.
@OB
Occasionally they do. In Australia, three percent of perpetrators are female.
That said, when I hear one of the attackers was 1.9m tall and had brightly dyed hair, I immediately wonder if the word ‘trans’ has been omitted.
Ok so if statistically 3% of perpetrators are female, and average 2023 UK female height is 164 cm (5’4.5”) +/- 2 standard deviations of about 12 cm (5”)…
No, these perpetrators weren’t women. Statistically speaking.
Would that be an Impossible Whopper?
https://impossiblefoods.com/burgerking
Colin #5
Have it your way.
Had a woman kidnap and have inappropriate relations with some autistic boy here “locally” recently (it was consensual to the technical meaning of the word, but certainly not legally). This was Oregon though so you bet I checked the height and looked for an Adam’s apple (pretty sure was a woman).
Someone on Ovarit did a back of the envelope statistical analysis and figured that something like only a few hundred women in the entire UK would match this description, so the perp should be easily identified.
It’s crazy that we now have to guess what they mean by “woman.”
The rule is that:
If he’s the victim, he is trans.
If he’s the accused, he is a woman.
That 3% in Australia might well include plenty of trans women. But even when women DO commit sexual offenses, how many, if any are physical attacks on strangers in public areas?
The descriptions seem suspiciously detailed from someone who was attacked, presumably by story, and knocked unconscious. I mean, how can you narrow their ages down to 18-20? And how can you be so exact about their heights?
There’s definitely a lot more going on here.
I am admittedly basing this on a drunken conversation in Liverpool one night ~15 years ago, but there are at least two Brits who refer to the ground as the “floor.”
I know; it’s a thing. It’s a thing but I hate it and don’t think adults should use it in public. I’m a chronic scold that way. I also think adult USians should be able to talk in complete sentences without saying “like” every fourth word.
It could be a valid UK dialect variant, especially among police. There’s also the phrase “forest floor”, which is ubiquitous on both sides of the Atlantic, and which could well have been the initial quotation. The reporter might have simply elided “forest” out of it.
In German, there is only one word — “Boden” — for both the ground and a constructed flat thing on which you stand, so even highly-educated Germans often use the word “floor” for both when speaking English.
‘The forest floor’ is acceptable, ‘floor’ on its own is not.
Just so.
It is a (spreading) UK dialect thing but I reserve the right to hate it. I’m a language fussbudget, chronic variety.
99.997% of people in the UK who are 6 foot 3 or taller are male. Statistically, there are only about 1700 women that tall or taller in all of the United Kingdom. Combine that with the fact that this person committed a sexual assault on a stranger in the woods… It’s virtually impossible that the suspect is a woman — so impossible there was no point in the BBC and the Sussex Police even pretending to find it plausible. It’s exasperating.