Name it Alice instead

Written by

Ophelia Benson

in

Oh COME ON.

Trump said Thursday he is renaming Lake Ontario to be known as “Lake America” in the United States as he exacerbates his trade war with Canada.

The Republican president signed an executive order that updated the lake’s name for the U.S. geographic naming service. Trump cannot force Canada to follow his preferred naming convention, however.

He can’t force us to follow it either.

Also, “America” is just wrong. Lake Ontario is not Lake Canada, and none of the other Greats are Lake Canada either. Lake New York would fit the pattern; Lake America is just stupid.

Trump has been floating the idea of the name change in recent days as the U.S. announced it was imposing 50% tariffs on $20 billion worth of Canadian goods over the weekend after talks between the countries broke down. Trump has been needling America’s northern neighbor since he returned to the White House last year, suggesting the ally with whom the U.S. once had warm relations should instead be absorbed as the 51st state.

“Needling” ffs – this isn’t high school, this isn’t a bar, this isn’t the playground. None of the crap that Trump does is cute or funny or trivial; it’s all part of the huge dismaying shameful nightmare that is Trump’s openly fascist dictatorial takeover.

The office of Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

The lake is one of multiple Great Lakes that the U.S. and Canada share borders along.

Multiple? Why multiple? There are five. Why say multiple instead of five? We can all hold the thought of five big lakes without getting lost, surely.

You know…having a fascist dictator who succeeds at being a fascist dictator because of having a giant fascist brain would be one thing, but seeing an ignorant mushbrain like Trump do it is humiliating. Really really really humiliating.

Comments

7 responses to “Name it Alice instead”

  1. What a Maroon Avatar
    What a Maroon

    The lake is one of multiple Great Lakes that the U.S. and Canada share borders along.

    Multiple? Why multiple? There are five. Why say multiple instead of five? We can all hold the thought of five big lakes without getting lost, surely.

    Although only four border Canada. (But that’s an ugly, awkward sentence you quoted. And I know from awkward sentences.)

    Another thing that bothers me–why is it always that Canada would be the 51st state? The provinces in Canada have more autonomy than US states–surely if they were to join the US, they’d join as 10 (or 13) different states.

  2. Ophelia Benson Avatar
    Ophelia Benson

    Well quite. That’s his pig ignorance mixed with spite or perhaps the other way around.

  3. twiliter Avatar
    twiliter

    Let’s name all lakes, gulfs, and what the hell, even oceans ‘America.’ The Pacific? America, the Atlantic? America. All the Great Lakes, the Great Salt Lake? Lake George? Lake Mead? What about the rivers? All of them! And then we can blame fecking Trump for the confusion. What lake, what ocean, what river are you talking about? What are you even talking about? They’re all named America. Good Lord but he’s a moron. I can’t wait until the time when this particular individual ceases to exist, along with the reversal of his egomaniacal legacy/vanity projects.

    It’s infuriating.

  4. What a Maroon Avatar
    What a Maroon

    twiliter,

    I assume you’re joking, but he did actually say after signing the order that he’s thinking of renaming one of the oceans.

  5. iknklast Avatar
    iknklast

    I thought it was bad when the Oklahoma governor, back in the distant days of the early 21st century, insisted the Canadian River be renamed the Oklahoma River. No one stopped him, though many of us tried.

    As for the oceans…he’ll have a hell of a time getting most of us to call any of the oceans the American Ocean, or the Trump Ocean, or any other stupid thing he chooses to rename it, but at the same time, a lot of US mapmakers will roll over and play dead, changing the name to pacify the huge baby.

  6. twiliter Avatar
    twiliter

    I don’t doubt it. The real problem with this is that he considers his own personal positions, as those of the USA overall. They are not. He no more represents America than anyone else. No one person represents the ideals and aspirations of the USA. Quite the opposite in most cases. Try to tell him that. Trump is not what America stands for.

  7. twiliter Avatar
    twiliter

    It is humiliating! Do you know how many very intelligent and loyal Americans stand opposed to this kind of autocratic excess? Many! And historically, going back to the founding ‘fathers’ who were opposed to the types of individual political figures doing the very thing Trump is doing? It’s antithetical to our founding principles! And yes Ikn, I agree, no matter what Trump want to name something or other, the people who document historically named areas, whether bodies of water, chunks of land, or even street names or school names, should be voted on by everyone, and not simply changed on the whim of one egomaniacal shitbird.

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