The deck always stacked
Clementine Ford explains the double bind that women are caught in. We’re taught a long list of don’ts that are all about rape-avoidance. If we get raped or otherwise assaulted or abused anyway, we get scolded for recklessly disobeying the Don’ts List. (Have you ever noticed how the Don’ts List is a kind of abstraction of purdah and hijab – or how purdah and hijab are still with us in the form of all these don’ts? Of course you have; it’s obvious.)
The great irony is that women, chided as we are for behaving as if we might have the right to move through the world like autonomous adults, are also punished whenever we take overt and declarative steps to actually enforce the preventative measures expected of us. A good example of this comes in a recent news story detailing the Mother’s Market in the Indian province of Manipur. Dating back to the 16th century, the market is reserved solely for the use of women and acts as a safe and sexual harassment free zone for local women to gather, commune and do their shopping. Despite being established by women as a means of taking back control of their safety (as we’re so often directed to do), it’s still treated by far too many people as some kind of misandrist nightmare in which the men of India (and by extension, the world) are subjected to horrifying sexism and exclusion.
Gee – why would women and girls in India want safe zones? I just can’t imagine. It must be pure unmotivated prejudice against men.
The deck is always stacked against us. Do the ‘wrong’ thing, and we’ll be blamed for being silly enough to invite risk. Take preventative measures (and worse, talk about what those measures might be), and we’ll be blamed for lumping all men into the same box and perpetrating equal if not greater sexism against the poor, beleaguered blokes out there who don’t deserve to all be tarred with the same brush by feminists who are probably just upset no one wants to fuck them.
It’s our own fault for being women.
Why aren’t more men ashamed that women have felt the need for women-only markets, women-only trains, women-only schools, and whatever? No, we’re not all rapists or evil woman-haters, of course. But what role have we played in perpetuating injustice?
The nice thing would be if we could tell who was who. But the rapists and woman-haters tend to look like everyone else (except in movies). So we have to move with caution, and then we get accused of being misandrist and assuming all men are equally dangerous.
^ Well that’s the point isn’t it.
I park in an area that is poorly lit and quite isolated. It’s also nearby a secure parking building used by Hospital staff.
As a result I’m often walking down the road in poor/dark lighting with a lone female nearby. 95% of the time the fear/concern/wariness is quite evident. I’ve taken to adjusting my walking pace and/or crossing the road to create space between us where possible. The relief is evident, and I’m a middle aged respectable looking guy…
It’s sad and I don’t like the blow back because, you know, I’m not a rapist.It’s a small adjustment to make to ensure the comfort of a potentially more vulnerable person.
All those guys who are so worried about everyone understanding that it’s #notallmen? They could take their discomfort and tamp it down until it’s strong enough to help them stop sexism and misogyny when they see it in all those other men who they’re not.
If notallmen really are the majority, and if they directed their offendedness *toward the men causing it*, harassment and rape would become so rare they wouldn’t have to worry nearly as much about being misunderstood.
Wouldn’t that be nice. Not holding my breath. Doubt very much the offended guys are concerned about the war zone women live in. They’d just like to pay no price at all for creating it.
Yup, exactly
‘The market has long been a part of Manipuri tradition with evidence suggesting that it dates back to the 16th Century. ‘
So a 16th century women-only market is a ‘safe space’ and not a walled-in prison? Just what ‘evidence suggests’ that this isn’t another purdah?
The ‘safe space’ language is on the back of the smug ‘we respect women by locking them up and murdering them if they try to escape’ coin.
It’s worth noting that an all-female space is not necessarily a safe one, but safe from most of the worst offenders in regards to violence and sexual assault.