The Windsors were making internal efficiencies

Marina Hyde gets off some wicked jokes about the royals and especially Andrew.

The Queen’s second son was summoned to a Buckingham Palace meeting on Wednesday, where it was revealed the Windsors were reducing the head count/making internal efficiencies/pivoting to video. People love to imagine the royal family is just like us, so this was just your standard meeting with your mother in which you’re decruited and offered the chance to retrain as someone who does even less work for a dazzling fortune.

We don’t know exactly what Her Majesty said to Andrew, but as a piece of placeholder dialogue, it’s probably best to imagine the Queen demanding his gun and badge, then barking: “You’re on traffic duty! Sex traffic duty.”

It’s that whole unfortunate business about Jeffrey Epstein, you see. Most unfawtchnt.

And it really was a landmark, even accounting for the fact that, since George I, this has been a family widely recognised for its lack of intelligence. One of the sensational real-time revelations of the Emily Maitlis masterpiece was the fact that Prince Edward must have been the clever one. Prince Andrew was fully scores of IQ points away from being bright enough to pull his gambit off, yet retained a mesmerisingly misplaced faith in his own charm.

Oh I don’t know, I thought it was pretty charming the way he pretended to remember where he was on March 10 2001 because it was at a Pizza Express in Woking and he’s hardly ever been to Woking.

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