What “lesbian” means

Well, if you’re a novice lesbian looking for advice on how to get started, I suggest not consulting healthline. Its guide for beginners is kind of…wrong.

Before we talk about lesbian sex, let’s talk about what the phrase means.

Ok – the phrase means female-female sex. It means same-sex sex for female people. What’s there to talk about?

Usually, people use the term “lesbian sex” to mean sex between two women.

Usually? If sometimes people use the term to mean something else, then they’re using the wrong term…unless you just mean “because hahaha it can be between two or three or ten women!”

If that’s the case, remember that those women might not identify as lesbian.

Ok, maybe they’re in denial, maybe they’re experimenting, who cares. Where are you going with this?

For example, they could identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or even heterosexual. Sex between women isn’t limited to lesbians.

Ok but this was supposed to be about lesbian sex, so can you stop throat-clearing and get on with it?

Remember, also, that “lesbian sex” isn’t limited to cisgender couples.

Ohhhhh fuck off. Cisgender shmisgender; it’s not lesbian sex if it involves a man who “identifies as” a woman.

It also includes other people who have vaginas, people with penises, and people with intersex genitalia.

Imagine being poor Clarissa age 15 wanting basic information on lesbian sex and having to wade through all this bullshit first.

Heterosexual couples, for example, may have oral, manual, or penetrative sex. It all depends on the couple and what they like to do.

But you’re supposed to be explaining about lesbian sex!

Similarly, lesbian sex — or sex between women, whether cis or trans — can include whatever kind of sex you’d like to try.

In other words, Clarissa, we’re grooming you to agree to have sex with a man who says he’s a trans woman. You’re welcome!

Jumping ahead a little –

There are lots of myths out there about lesbian sex. Here are a few:

It’s easier because you’re both women. Remember that just because you’re both women doesn’t mean you have the same genitals — for example, one person might be a cis woman with a vagina, while the other might be a trans woman with a penis.

Remember, you, a lesbian, might find yourself having “lesbian sex” with a man. You are not allowed to say no.


Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST — Written by Sian Ferguson on June 4, 2020

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