$1000 for a wedge salad

Party? What party?

Guests who paid four-figures for tickets to President Donald Trump’s annual New Year’s Eve party were left to party with his personal attorney Rudy Giuliani, his two adult sons and various figures from the conservative media — none of whom wore masks — after the President made a last-minute decision to ditch the event and return to Washington.

No refunds, folks. In fact, kindly donate another four figures, or why not make it five, to my campaign to remain president for all eternity and to buy more ice cream for me.

No official explanation for the President’s early departure from Mar-a-Lago was given, though he remains consumed with efforts to overturn the election results and tensions are ratcheting up in the Persian Gulf ahead of the one-year anniversary of the US killing of Iran’s top general.

Peasants don’t get explanations. Peasants give money to Trump.

Without the President as the centerpiece, the wattage of Thursday evening’s party was somewhat dimmer. Performers whose heyday came decades ago — Vanilla Ice and Berlin — performed from the ballroom’s main stage. Guests angled for selfies with Giuliani, who was wearing a blue velvet tuxedo jacket, and Fox News host Judge Jeanine Pirro, along with personalities from the right-wing television network OANN.

In short, it was excruciating. (I can’t say I think Trump’s presence would have made it better though.)

But hey Don 2 and Eric were there with their squeezes, and Tiffany was around somewhere. Princess Ivanka and Prince Pencilneck were no-shows – probably snuggling on the sofa reading novels about rich people.

The tables were set for ten people, with no social distancing. Dinner was beef with cheese tortellini and Trump “wedge” salad. Sounds like a Denny’s, but whatever.

The President had been expected to attend as late as Wednesday. But by the evening, word had emerged that he and the first lady would be departing early the next day. Trump remained largely out of sight at his club during his stay as he fixated on the election results and the January 6 effort to delay certification of President-elect Joe Biden’s victory.

In other words he was watching tv and shouting.

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