Originally a comment by latsot on Don’t call me a basket case.
I found the forbidding of āblindā as in āblind studyā especially zogborst.
As a disabled person and wheelchair user I find that words donāt matter nearly so much as attitude. Blind people know theyāre blind and if I ever forget I canāt walk itās going to hurt when my face bounces off the deck. Weāre generally not shy about our disabilities or embarrassed about them. Weāll joke about them and are happy for others to do the same providing, as tigger said, the intent is humour rather than abuse. My friend Henrietta, who some of you might know from Twitter, is paralysed from the chest down and has the biggest collection of unfortunate wheelchair accident gifs Iāve ever seen. She finds them hilarious. Sheās right, they are. Itās a mixture of āyeah⦠done thatā and āhe totally deserved itā.
Those Iāve spoken to about this agree that weād much rather people be straighforward than mangle language without ever actually consulting us. It feels performative and it makes me personally feel as though Iām expected to be grateful.
A couple of illustrations about attitude:
Iām asked very often why Iām in a wheelchair. I donāt mind this at all and I donāt think itās rude⦠providing Iām asked by someone Iām already having a conversation with. Itās natural to be curious and frankly it gives me something to talk about. My conversational skills are not the best. But if someone marches up and asks me out of the blue, it no longer feels like a matter of curiosity. It feels threatening. It happens more than you might expect. Iām also asked this quite a lot by people Iām arguing with on Twitter. There, the intent is very clearly malign and itās definitely rude.
But a lot of people are shocked when someone asks me the question in good faith. They think itās a topic that should be avoided, for some reason. Whoās that helping, exactly? Me or them? Iād much rather they just ask than pretend Iām not very obviously in a wheelchair and theyāre very obviously wondering why.
Iām also asked quite a lot if I need help going up slopes and curbs. Itās easy to see in most cases that the intent is a genuine desire to help someone who might struggle and I always decline politely and warmly. These people are not being patronising, theyāre going out of their way to offer help because of simple, honest empathy. Itās not offensive at all.
It is offensive when people grab the back of my chair and push me up the slope without warning or permission. Again, this happens a lot more often than youād think. It happened when I was doing the Great North Run, for goodness sake! Would anyone just pick up another runner and carry them for a bit, all the time grinning to their friends? It happened in London a couple of weeks ago and when I reacted with shock and some anger, the man was furious at me since he was āonly trying to helpā.
Was he, though? Was he really? Or was it a performance? His reaction suggests the latter. I donāt like being used as a prop. And if you hang your bag on the back of my chair in the tube or at a bus stop so you donāt have to carry it (yep, happens surprisingly often too) then you deserve the elbow that is about to make contact with your testicles.
So donāt walk on eggshells around us. Make a joke about us rolling our chairs over eggshells, if you like. Just donāt joke about our being unable to walk on eggshells, unless you know us quite well. And donāt alter language on our behalf, it just mildly embarrasses us.
I understand the need for somewhat performative language in many areas. Itās a sign that people are paying attention to issues without having to address them explicitly and personally. Itās a signal that everyone has understood the tone a conversation will take and the boundaries that have been set. And itās an agreement that some words and phrases are unacceptable for cultural or historical reasons. Itās when people go out of their way to invent offence on behalf of other people that we get idiocy like the āblindā example above.
Wait, Iām probably not allowed to say āidiocyā, am I?