The life they choose
Oh go take a running jump. Women aren’t required to “balance” our rights with those of men.
Our CEO, Sam Smethers, reflects on the importance of empathy in order to balance the rights of both women and trans women in relation to the debate around sex and gender identity.
Trans women are men. Women get to focus on our own rights. Tell the men to have some empathy for us why don’t you.
For me, it’s about independent (evidence-based) thinking, clarity of voice and speaking truth to power. On the issue of sex, gender and identity I have refused to simply pick a side, although I am repeatedly told to, and instead maintain that this is complicated and there are competing rights that need to be recognised.
No there aren’t. It’s not a “right” to force other people to agree that you’re something you’re not, or to take protections or prizes that are meant for a group other than your own.
There are two defining fears. For women, the fear of male violence defines and shapes our world view. This frames the issue of trans rights because some women feel this threat is not being acknowledged as part of the discussion of gender self-identification. For trans people, it is the fear that they will not be recognised and accepted for who they are.
Those are two radically different kinds of fear.
Also, for trans people what they want is to be recognized and accepted for who they are not. That’s the stumbling block. The story is that they “feel like” the other sex and that makes them the other sex, but saying you “feel like” something doesn’t make you that thing unless that thing is itself a mental state. You can say you “feel like” a house or a swordfish or a galaxy, but that doesn’t make you those things. It’s not reasonable to try to force the rest of the world to act as if your personal fantasy about yourself is objective reality.
This informs their response when the fear of male violence is raised because, for trans women at least, they see themselves as women who are more likely than any other group to be targeted by violence…
In other words they simply disregard women. You expect us to compromise with that? Oh hell no.
If someone describes you as a man when you regard yourself to be a woman and have done for some time, it is bound to be hurtful, distressing and will undermine your ability to live the life you choose…
Oh would you please grow up? You don’t get to “regard yourself as a woman” when you’re not one – not in the sense of imposing your belief on everyone else. These are men we’re talking about. Infantilizing blather about “hurtful and distressing” is just that.
People don’t always get to “live the life they choose” anyway, haven’t you noticed? You can choose life as a Supreme Court justice or a top tier movie star, but your odds of being either one are slim. You can choose a love object but if the love object doesn’t reciprocate then you’re out of luck.
It goes to the very heart of who you are. I think this is why trans people often refer to others denying their right to exist. Because it is about their very identity.
Sorry but that’s meaningless. Female and male bodies just are what they are. Be creative about how that plays out in your own case by all means, but female and male bodies remain what they are. One’s “very identity” doesn’t mean anything. Imagination is a powerful thing but it doesn’t actually transform us into what we’re pretending to be.
Living as our authentic selves is what we all want isn’t it?
It depends on what “authentic self” means. If it means a woman or man with a particular temperament and so on, yes, of course, but if it means the opposite sex or a different species or a visitor from Neptune, then no. I don’t think an “authentic self” is something people should think about much once they’re out of their teens. An “authentic self” sounds like a very special self, and I think people ought to stop thinking of themselves as very special. It gets rid of a lot of obstacles.
Just another form of identity…they identify as women more likely to be targeted by violence, but in fact they are not. The violence against transwomen is substantially lower than the violence against women, people of color, men…not to mention cows, sheep, pigs, deer…in fact, being transwoman might be the safest thing there is, as long as you are white and not a prostitute.
Who gets to do that outside their own home? (And sometimes not inside it, either). I would love to be my “authentic” self, but I must put on a mask. Because I teach. Because I interact with other people. Because I go to the doctor. Because I shop. Because I belong to organizations. Because I am a playwright (and a woman at that). Because I am a woman.
I may not even know who my authentic self is. I dispute the idea that we know ourselves better than anyone else knows us. I know some parts of myself better, but there are things I don’t see about myself that other people may recognize in me. There are some things my dog sees in me that I don’t see in myself (like, he thinks I can sing; everyone else, including me, knows I cannot).
Our “authentic” self often boils down to “this is who I would like to be, who I wish I was, who I would be if I were given better opportunities, or more support”…or, if we’d admit it, sometimes if we were less lazy or more motivated.
I don’t believe there is any such thing as an authentic self. I think the best we can hope for is almost authentic selves.
Enough of this piffle about “authentic selves”, already. If you’re an adult and still pondering what you want to be when you grow up, then I’m sorry but you come across as a child. Stand up straight, comb your hair, and get on with your life without this constant pearl clutching about what you want to become. There are far more important things in the world that you can devote your time to beyond this seemingly endless navel-gazing.
Whoever wrote this was astonishingly honest, and this allows us to see, absolutely clearly, the lameness of TRA arguments.
Wow, this is just like the old saw about what men are afraid of and what women are afraid of.
I.e., Men are afraid that women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid that men will kill them.
Not parallel or equivalent concerns.
Well iknklast I bet you’re a brilliant singer in dog. They have a quite different aesthetic. (I too can’t sing, except in the shower.)
maddog:
Yes, incredible, isn’t it? It’s just the same and yet is being used in all pompous seriousness to argue the exact opposite.
From ‘Oh go take a running jump’:
Looks like we will still be wading through this sort of horse shit when the Angel Gabriel sounds the last trumpet.
People born female but who wish they were male can dress as males and use male dunnies. All they have to do is use a cubicle for all eliminatory activities. People born male who wish they were female and who dress as such are the problem, because they will provide a cover for those nasty heterosexual men who want a cover to perve, assault etc genuine women.
Even if they dress and make-up as women, such trans men can still use the male facilities. The regular male patrons of those dunnies will have no grounds to feel threatened. The trans users might get the odd smart remark and/or lewd suggestion, but I suggest a course in self-defence at some suitable academy would boost their self-confidence enormously.
The one thing which should never be allowed under any circumstances is people born male using females-only facilities. Severe penalties for infringements should apply.
Good people on both sides?
It seems impossible in modern discussion to accept that one person/group has an argument with more strength and more data than the other side. To make such an argument (no matter how strong your evidence) automatically labels you an extremist. In the case of bathrooms, everyone feels compelled to point out that the problem isn’t transwomen, it’s all those other men that might pretend.
For them, I have only one thing to say: Jessica Yaniv.
Ah, but then the response will be: Jessica Yaniv isn’t “true trans”! The definition of a true transwoman must be determined not by self-report, but by SCIENCE! By a rigorous scientific diagnosis that you’re actually a woman! Brain scans!
(Then we point out that Brain Scans for Trans People aren’t a thing, and then we win!!!)
I know this is really a minor thing, but trans men in men’s toilets isn’t amazing either. They’re clogging up the, shall we say, “full-service” privies with their pissing when others may well need them.
@#11: In that case, we can as a last resort honour our Paleolithic ancestors by using the floor, as they would have; before the invention of anything like the white porcelain thunderphones presently in use all over the world. As someone once said, “when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.”
;-)