Aging out

Written by

Ophelia Benson

in

A snip from a comment on a public Facebook post:

In some schools, a large percentage of girls begin identifying as something else as early as middle school. Most of them are just exploring, which in itself is a good thing, though the moralistic or victim overlay that goes with it is harmful. However, it’s become sort of a thing to try on these identities…

That struck a chord with me because it reminded me of me. As a child I was always pretending to be something or other, usually some tv character who rode a horse. That probably isn’t very unusual, right? Lots of kids do it? Just playing at being someone else inside your head, without necessarily acting it out in front of others. It occurs to me, not for the first time, that the fashion for transing could be a version of the tendency to fantasize in youth. It wears off over time because it just doesn’t work – one starts to feel silly. The trans craze makes it possible, maybe even desirable, to keep doing it well into adulthood.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, sorry to be repetitive, but of course it keeps coming up. It’s a touch bizarre that it used to be normal to stop fantasizing as one aged out of it but now it’s considered an idenniny, and a sacred one at that.

Maybe there should be an age limit. People have to show their ID, as with alcohol, but in this case they want to be seen as younger than they are rather than older. No really, I’m still twelve, and I still like to pretend I’m a ballerina.

Comments

4 responses to “Aging out”

  1. Artymorty Avatar
    Artymorty

    And the problem with identities is that they’re sticky. Once you slap one on yourself, it’s very hard to get it off. National identity, ethnic identity, religious identity, political identity, caste identity, gang identity, favourite sports team identity, gender identity.

    Human brains are addicted to tribalism. Draw up an in-group, lure some people into joining it, and they will become so attached, it’ll take a major life disruption to separate them from it.

    Trans should never have been framed as an identity.

  2. iknklast Avatar
    iknklast

    Draw up an in-group, lure some people into joining it, and they will become so attached, it’ll take a major life disruption to separate them from it

    Not to mention, show them so much love and support that any thought of opting out is devastating. They can’t stand to be back in the real world where they feel less loved, more ordinary…so they stick.

  3. Papito Avatar
    Papito

    As a parent, it’s very confusing. Try to keep track of who your kids’ friends are when every time you hear about them they have different names and different pronouns.

    As for major life disruptions, Arty, I’m beginning to think I gave my kids too few of those. There’s a lot to be said for the flexibility and self-assurance of a kid who grew up moving all the time.

  4. Mike Haubrich Avatar
    Mike Haubrich

    I made this observation once in a science group on Facebook, and the response was solidly on the side of “children know who they are.”

    Kids just don’t have a real grasp of the nature of gender, though, do they? It’s a difficult concept for most adults to master. The idea that roles are based on sex and that gender is restrictive but not fixed by biology is beyond many people who believe in a “natural order” to masculinity and femininity, let alone kids who are either pre-pubescent or beset by confusion due to puberty.

    I went through it, and passed on adulthood without believing that I was a female soul in a male body. It’s a process of discovery. We all have many personal traits more commonly associated with the sex we are not, it doesn’t mean that we are non-binary, or trans. I still get asked if I am gay by some people because I don’t fit the masculine ideal form that many people have learned in our patriarchal society.

    Almost everyone knew this twenty years ago, now it seems to be a mystery solved by medicinal and surgical interventions.

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